Notes

Thanks for replying. Oh and I just saw I had the same tag as someone else while I was looking at the 22 tag. Not me btw just wanted to clarify in case it makes a difference! >_< And yes my mom still talks like that to me, it's really disgusting to hear. She doesn't talk as much anymore though because I am a lot more vocal about my disgust. She still makes very inappropriate comments. It doesn't bother me as much now. I am pretty sure she has aspergers which is why she fails to notice other peoples feelings, but she refuses to get checked. She's basically a manchild... I don't think I am asexual... I mean...Maybe demisexual though? I am just very repulsed by sex at this point because whenever I see it I think of my parents and that's just... Blegh. I feel tainted. My dad touched me on my stomach and legs. His hands kept getting more and more bolder and closer to my private areas as time pasted. I think he was getting confident I was asleep. But I was just kind of frozen in shock not asleep. My dad has even made comments saying that if he weren't my dad he would want to be mines and stuff which is just absolutely disgusting and innaproriate, this is one thing I know for sure. One time while he visited(my parents live apart, but not seperated) I saw some of my panties had been lost and I have never lost panties before. I mean how do you lose panties?? I haven't told anyone about this, it's just...so embarassing. I don't think I ever can. I am still hesitant on here too, but I feel better because I am on anon. Please delete the last post though, my dad can see my internet history and if he finds out I told someone...knowing my parents they'll probably just say I'm overreacting or dramatizing. My parents have been physically and emotionally abusive, but when confronted they claim it's displine, it wasn't real, I made it up, ect... And I cannot back it up either because my memory is loss due to 1. Repressed and 2. I have an illness that causes brain fog. And also have you ever been so shocked by someones claims that you don't even know what to say? That's how I often feel with them. I know these memories are there. Although my concious does not know of these memories, my sub concious does. Anyways I wouldn't dare make these things up, but I still lack physical and solid proof to actually go and fight against them. If I tell someone I am not sure if they will believe me. My parents claim I'm a liar, and make up rumours about me. They say I am a whore and a slut, I don't know if you saw the message I sent you, I sent 4 parts but it looks like you only got 2 of them. At least 1 of them said something about my mom and dad saying I was sleeping with people I met online, and having cybersex. They tell these lies to their families and friends, and my mom also just spills out whatever, even to strangers, so thus people have this impression on me that I am a "slut", or a liar, and other bad things. I feel like these problems are too minimal to actually go and say it was sexual assault though. Am I just forever stuck here in the limbo where this is not actual sexual abuse but enough to have scarred me? I don't have any friends or relatives either. I am a NEET. (Not in employment, education, or training.) I have a little over a year left until I turn 18. My chances of being believed will be lowered even more. There is doesn't seem to be a place for me to go or belong...I don't have anyone to watch out for me ^^;;