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who was i
i often feel guilty
for everything
i think its just who i am
i have convinced myself over the years of my life that
things are simply my fault.
i can understand here that not everything is my wrong doing
but i know most is.
especially the way i disregarded how much you love me
i refused to believe it was possible for anyone to love me the way you do.
and i know its a shitty excuse,
the same "i have trust issues" bullshit people always say to justify not loving their person back
but really,
i think i just got scared.
for almost two years i fought the mental ideology that there was no way i was enough
and that there had to be someone else you cared for much more than you could ever care for me
and i know you love me
i mean obviously,
i knew it then and i know it now
and i will die knowing how much you love me
but for some reason i never knew quite how much
what an absurd thing to think
that you dont love me
so im sorry
i am sorry
really sorry
for ever testing your love like a cheap game from the thrift store
for ever poking at you to see if it was really me
rather than falling into you the way i should have
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