Notes

Give your Children The'summer Slowdown' they Require

We shouldn't get caught up in the discussion about summer camps, sports, vacations, or planning for all the other things we have been unable to do. Recognize that it's been hard for even the most fortunate children to endure a mass death event like this one. They have been cheated by a lot of adults. They are attuned to the chaos, more than they're likely to admit to you (or even comprehend their own).



Do not try to return to the way you lived.



While we're only beginning to collect data about the effects on mental health of the pandemic on children, the most important indicators are alarming. According to the Children's Hospital Association, mental health emergencies for children aged 5-11 increased by 24% between April and October last year. Even in resource-rich places and even for children who have not experienced illness and death from the pandemic directly, school closures disrupt routines, hinder access to food and correlate with rising levels of anxiety and stress in children.



Research has demonstrated that childhood trauma, especially when it's not dealt with, can lead to long-term health problems. Even if a child doesn't meet the definition of trauma, most children have had experiences that were traumatic. Since the very beginning of the pandemic experts have been planning for the impact of trauma on children. As parents, what are we going to do? What can we do for the following week? In the hot days of summer?
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Since I feel the urge I worry that we will try to fix something that cannot be fixed through overscheduling, planning and filling our schedules with the same activities we avoided last year.



Let your kids be kids this summer. Let them breathe and let them find their own way, before you attempt to fill in the gaps.



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Here's why I'm following my own advice. In December my family was at an impasse I started referring to children older than this year's "Gen C." While I hope that it doesn't stay, I can see signs that my middle schoolers are feeling burnout everywhere I go. They're more focused with their parents, less likely to listen (my son is not verbal and my daughter is hyper-verbal, but both communicate quite well) and arguing in ways that are new. But 16 months of constant focus on our families, in our homes, as the world shook in the aftermath of the world's economic crisis, will cause this. If we're looking to get our children out of Gen-C and back to the wild world of "zoomers," we're going to have to be intentional about it.



In the last month, there's been a significant amount of writing on work culture and burnout. Charlie Warzel, co-author of a book on remote work and remote work, wrote an important essay in which he urged employers to offer employees an opportunity to enjoy a "summer slowdown."



Parents should slow down and give their children some time. Do not try to give your children all they want this year, including extra programming and schooling. Let them breathe and, if they have to grieve, let them do so. To be angry or uncertain. Make sure you create the space to ease the pressures of this year and let trauma-related worries go, to watch for trouble spots that might require more immediate support.



I'm 12 years old , and here's the reason why I received the Covid vaccination.



I have had to accept that my time was wasted. It's incredibly hard to process that. Therefore, I'd like to let my children take it slowly. My daughter wants to learn how to fence and also pick up an axe. My son would like to swim. She would like to play playing Minecraft and they both want to do this with YouTube.



The last year was not entirely bad for our family. Despite the fears and limitations that we had to face and had to endure, we still were able to unite as one family. We took more walks. We played more games. I bought a 12-foot aluminum boat and one that was battered Montgomery Ward "Sea King" boat in 1985, and took my children fishing on the numerous lakes that surround the Twin Cities' metro. My daughter learned how to make her own pasta. My wife and I attempted to keep the kids safe from anxiety by teaching them what they required to be aware of at an age-appropriate level.



Yet, kids are able to pick up on things and, even at the most difficult of times, this summer was not a holiday. And then the school year began and so did the winter-time spike in infections.



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We can now get back to work after this summer. As my son is enrolled in high school, I will be determined to fight for a fair education. My daughter should be able finish her first year at a "normal" middle school. I am prepared to fight for the right to access and distance learning.



If I could let my children unwind, I might be also in a position to do so, considering that they aren't the only ones to have suffered the trauma of the past year and an entire quarter. We all have plenty of healing to complete, if only we can find the time.


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