Notes

[strike]The fra'as, or the elders, guarded the farmlings, or children, with their krytoses, which are like swords, but awesomer.[/strike]
[strike]It was a dark and stormy night, and as William Chilbert sat sadly at his weather-worn writing desk, raucous lightning and cacophonous thunder let out a forlorn grumble.[/strike]
[strike]i am ebony darkness raven way somethin somethin ne'tata or somethin. i have black hair that gos down to my sholders and i h8 preps and scenes. goffiks ar the best. i am the most bieootifal girl in my scool and i am super smart too and everyone loves me[/strike] (Cringe)

+I'm Magnus Asgard and I'm here to tell you how I died. I know, you're going to be like, 'Magnus, can I die in agony too?'
+It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking 13.
+ In a hole in the ground, there lived a hobbit. Now, hobbits are (explanation)

Can't think of a starting sentence for your story? We've all been through it. Except for Mr. Rock. Everyone, glare at Mr. Rock.
(Glaring)
(Cough)
Right. Guide. The six sentences have all been heavily edited (save for the first one, thanks, Randall Munroe :D) to represent some good and bad starting sentences.
The first uses too many made-up words. According to former NASA roboticist Munroe, "Except for anything by Lewis Carroll or Tolkien, you get five made-up words per story. I'm looking at you, Anathem." It also describes them in a fanatical way. Having a slightly human encyclopedic tone works well. Take Tolkien's description of a hobbit. Very amusing but informative. So if we re-wrote the sentence, perhaps it would sound like this: [i]The fra'as guarded the young and nascent farmlings, which were [b]obviously[/b] inferior to the sage old fra'as and their fearsome krytoses, which appeared to resemble swords.[/i] It's not perfect, but it takes away the fangirl/boy tone and replaces it with the viewpoint of the fra'as, haughty about their age. One could imagine the fra'as commenting about the young farmlings with an air of disdain. TL;DR: Don't use made-up words without sounding like GLaDOS.
The second is much too bombastic.