Notes

it's 2am. i have school in 2 days, well now only 1. i regret looking at my past. no not back to 2012s, etc, but i am sending this to only a few people, so i bet you know. ever since september 2013. i've started being active on ajsc from that day on, and let me just say now--- i loved you guys a lot. you guys were all amazing, and we bonded so well like a family. i regret it, because i looked at our past memories. i remember how happy i was to be with you guys, how hard you guys made me laugh, how close i felt with somebody. i recently lost one of my best friends, but that doesn't mean i'm ready to let go of you guys. it seems like it due to my inactivity, but i'm really sorry. i've become really emotionally wounded. ever since i went onto shiki hateclub, i've almost never been on ajsc, and i've become really depressed again. I AM NOT SAYING SHC IS BAD AT ALL. i'm just saying really bad irl stuff happened, and tbh i've almost got horrible thoughts, which is why i only get 3-6 hours of sleep every night, 7 if i'm lucky. i've had really bad times on shc, where i'd say stuff like "sorry im _____" or smth like that, and it's gotten to the point where, i'm scared of talking to them at times. im sorry memer that you had to know this now. also, i'm sorry memer, you probably don't remember this--- that i promised to be happy. i'm really sorry. i think of that promise i made a lot.
ok but, i got back on deviantart, and i saw this. http://peperonie.deviantart.com/journal/DeviantArtist-Questionnaire-552130545 tbh, i can't tell if this was because you remembered me, or if it was just because you had no one else. but if it was, I FELT SO HEARTWARMED. TBH I THOUGHT YOU FORGOT ABOUT ME AND I ENDED UP BURSTING INTO TEARS SO THANK YOU. i looked at my former comments from chromedome on some of my da images, i looked at some of the things champ as drawn for me, i looked at some of the trades between me and seru [we were really weird back then but it was the most funniest things]. i sadly didn't have anything to look on back at ene, but i remember that she got me 100% orange juice not to long ago, and that is heartwarming also. i also looked at some of the chat messages i screenshotted. now, i screenshotted these WAY SINCE 2013. guess who cried for 221031230 years?
now, this time i'm really coming back. like really. if i ever go afk, tell me to get my butt back on somehow with the chatwing whisper or smth, if you want. you guys are really a family to me, and if i go afk, that's only going bring me farther, because i'm going to go back on, talk to somebody i don't know at all, and then just, not check ajsc. im going back on tfm and cs. i'm going to try everything i can to come back to a more happier me, a person who feels like they have good friends.
THIS WAS WRITTEN WHEN I WAS REALLY SLEEPY SO EXCUSE 110 MISTAKES. if you read this whole thing though congrats.