Notes

June 9,2015
i have been completely screwed up since Aly told me you missed me and you felt it was your fault that we stopped being friends. i need real honest answers. i cannot take anymore lies. and if Aly wasn't lying, it was not your fault. i decided to end our friendship. yes, i partially did it for you but i chose to end things with them. that was all me. i know i screwed things up. really bad. but please don't blame yourself. i know your probably never gunna read this or even answer me but i need to get this out and off my chest. i miss you so much. im drowning. i miss you so much that it has made me physically sick. i cannot stand feeling like you hate me and want absolutely nothing to do with me but i want you to know that i would do it all over again 100 times. i really would. i dont like the outcome of all of this. i wish that things could go back to normal. but i do want you to know that i will never give up on you. i will always stand by you even if its from a distance. just know i will always be there for you when you need someone. i promise. i need you to know that none of what had happened is your fault. its mine. i feel responsible for a lot of the pain that has been felt. even though i know i did the right thing for you. i still lost you in the end. you will always hold a very special place in my heart for you. i promise. i know that it sounds ridiculous for me to feel like this because we never dated or anything but i want to thank you for always backing me in arguments and staying up with me until who even knows what time talking to me and watching the meteor shower while everyone else was sleeping. thank you for rubbing my back until i fell asleep because just saying (your really good at it) i hope that one day we could at least be friends if thats all we could ever be it would be enough. i just miss having you in my life. you mean the world to me and i want you to live your life to the fullest even if i have yo suffer through the pain for a little while i will because. i promise you that i will always believe in you and hope you live the happiest life possible for yourself. i want you to know that im willing to do all of this because i love you I'm betting you don't feel the same way but thats okay. i dont want you to feel obligated to answer or anything because thats not whats important. When im near you I turn into a giggly little girl and when someone mentions your name I get butterflies and get red in the face. I dont think you understand this but...I think I love you. There is no one in this world who has ever made me happier than when im with you just having fun and being myself. Every time you answer my texts or snapchat me back I feel like someone just handed me a million dollars. I like you cause you bring out the best in me and make me happy. I love you.
Goodbye Justin,
Hailie
August 11,2015
I still feel the same way i did about you when i wrote the first time. You are so important to me that the thought of loosing you absolutely terrifies me. I never want to feel the way i did when i started writing the one that is above this one. i couldn't take it if you were to disappear out of my life like you were never there. I thought it was hard the first time that i thought i had lost you for good and i couldn't do it again. you mean way too much to me to be able to say goodbye to you again and to know that i had lost you for a second time. i can't. I would loose it. I may think that you are the biggest dick sometimes and we may not always get along with each other but that's okay. Everyone has their differences. I know that its kind of strange to say that I would loose you but ya know, you can't loose someone that was never yours. One day I hope that i can call you mine but if that's not right now, i think i can handle that. I never want to feel the pain i felt when i thought that you had actually said those things about me. All i could do was beg Aly over and over again to make the pain go away. I cannot handle pain like that. For months all i did was beg my mom over and over again to make the pain go away and to take the pain away but my mom always told me that she cant make the pain go away if i didn't want to feel good again. i never want you to have to endure the things that i did i never want you to have so much mental pain that you cannot speak and that you wish you just go to sleep and wake up the next day and hope to god that you don't have to think about how your going to survive the next day because your so sad and you just don't want to live anymore. Not being in your life is what that felt like. I would do absolutely anything to see your face and to see you smile. I needed to know that you were happy and living life the way that made you happy. knowing your happy reassures me to know that you can smile and be the Justin that you want, not the Justin that everyone else wants you to be. I love you Justin James Bozell.