Notes

What Is the Best Way to Love Yourself?
There are hundreds of articles online with how-to-love-yourself advice. You'll likely find self-love manifesting candles, positive-affirmation cards, and pillows embossed with Brene Brown self-compassion quotes at your favorite local gift shop. Scroll through Instagram or TikTok and youll probably encounter influencer types spouting self-love advice that often ignores the many complex reasons why someone might struggle with self-wortha barrage of you just have to love yourself toxic positivity that was brilliantly (and hilariously) portrayed in the second episode of Euphoria season 2.

Self-love sells. What if we aren't buying it? While Kat from Euphoria isn't a psychologist, most mental health professionals will advise you that being kinder to and more accepting of yourself is key to maintaining a positive mental health and a healthy relationship. There are, however, several factors (trauma, years of self-criticism, and systemic discrimination) that allow this simple-sounding practice to become far more complicated and difficult to implement.

It's likely that if you clicked on this article, you could use some self-compassion support. In order to achieve this, we consulted with some therapists who are specialists in the field. Check out these practical tips on how to (really) love yourself-no inspirational quotes required (although they can also help).

Defining self- love as a practice, not a destination, is key.
You do not cross a finish line when you officially love yourself. The love we have for ourselves is neither constant nor permanent. If the word love doesn't feel right to you, consider working toward acceptance or neutrality instead. Whitney Goodman, LMFT, author of Toxic Positivity: Keeping It Real in a World Obsessed with Being Happy, explains that we often define love in a fairytale sense where everything must be perfect. Our love for ourselves does not have to cover all aspects of our being, and some days will be easier than others. Just like with other long-term relationships, sometimes loving ourselves is just commitment, perseverance, acceptance, or general neutrality, licensed clinical psychologist Alexandra Solomon, PhD, an assistant professor at Northwestern University and author of Loving Bravely: Twenty Lessons of Self-Discovery to Help You Get the Love You Want, tells SELF. Acceptance and kindness to yourself don't happen overnight: Like any habit, they have to be practiced.

2. Be aware that you don't have to love your reality in order to love (or accept, or forgive) yourself.
Consider how your nearest family and friends show up to hug and support you when you're at your worst, least successful, insert-negative-adjective state. Take a moment to think about whether you would treat yourself the same way. Friends and family deserve our love regardless of their faults, but we often struggle with loving ourselves because of our faults. If we realize that perfection isn't an essential part of loving other people or loving oneself, we can begin to practice self-acceptance and, maybe eventually, self-love, Adia Gooden, PhD, who gave a TED Talk on unconditional self-worth that has been viewed nearly a million times, tells SELF.

If you've ever felt weighted down by wrongs and imperfections, you know how difficult it can be to accept your mistakes and imperfections. The majority of suffering among my clients stems from a longing to have things be different from how they are, Goodman says. Using radical acceptance, she helps people accept the reality of their lives while still holding onto hope for the future.
Here's my website: https://www.self.com/story/how-to-love-yourself