Notes

When I was 5, I saw my mother and sisters, getting beat and raped by my step dad. That went on for 8 years until my Mother finally got rid of him. She still talks to him. I don't understand how he put her through that much pain, and yet, she still talks to him, as if it never happened. I am completely haunted, and traumatized by past. Therefore, I live in self-imposed isolation, totally removed from everyone, and everything. I also have severe anger issues. Anything can make me mad. All I do is look Angry 24/7. I don't like hanging around people at all. Not even my own family. They don't understand me at all. While other people get by on greed, ambition, or just their fondness for dispensing happiness, I am fueled by sheer, unrelenting hate. I hate everyone and everything, be they Human, Alien, or anything in-between?I even hate myself, revolted by my misshapen, ugly face and body, which I consider a reflection of all the ugliness and malice inside himself. This full force of this vicious cycle of hatred finds release in explosive frenzied bursts of psychotic anger, as I take out the full force of my bitterness and self-loathing on anyone who looks at me sideways. I hate that. I also hate my family, but would hate being hated by them more, so I stick around. Nobody understands it. Not even God. Due to my depression, I have given up on school. I used to be a good student. I used to do all my school work, and homework. But all that went away around 2nd grade. I failed every class. I did managed to get some good grades, but I could never keep them up. I can't concentrate in school, because all I think about is my terrible past. I also cut myself. I always wonder how some people are born perfect. For instance, Keara Jefferson, is perfect. There is nothing wrong with her. And my friend David, is perfect too. I try to look beautiful, but I always fail. I hate my body so much, that I cut it, severally. Nobody knows though. I never talk in public. I never talk in school. I never talk at home, either. People always wonder why I look very angry, all I do is growl at them. I want allot of surgery done to my body, I want lip surgery. I want a nose job. I want my teeth perfect. I want my skin lighter. I want the perfect body. I just want to be appreciated in this world, so I can finally walk out of the house without having to worry about my physical appearance. But that will never happen. I can't even mind my own business in school, without someone saying "You're Ugly!" They have no idea how that makes me feel. It makes me hate my body even more! So, you know what I go do? I go home and cut myself. Till the point I am gushing blood. I cannot live with this pain any longer, so that is why I will commit suicide on my 18th birthday. Sincerely, Reese.