Notes

My name is Ryan. A boy who is madly in love with a girl named Jahlyne. She's my girlfriend and I call her 'baby'.

We first met in grade school. We hardly even spoke at each other. Even though we were not classmates during grade 5, I started to notice she was really cute. Long story short, my feelings for her started in grade 6. On our summer vacation, we often chat on Yahoo! Messenger and talk about stuff. Friendster was famous at that time. Time passed and my feelings for her started to develop. At such a young age, I felt how strong my feelings and how it was growing into something beautiful. We advanced to high school and we were still classmates. Fate, I guess. This was the time I had decided I would make her my first and hopefully, my last. She was pretty, witty and funny. She was the epitome of beauty. She was gorgeous and charming. I wanted to court her. I wanted to make her mine. The best part is our feelings were mutual from the start. Being at such a young age, we were both curious about relationships. I am very blessed and lucky. I am grateful with all my life, that in December 17 on the year 2010, she said "yes". We made a lot of memories. Some are good, but mostly bad. Our relationship's run wasn't smooth at all. We experienced many fights that led to break ups. We often argue at each other. There came a point where we would fight everyday because of small reasons. We survived. Even though mostly bad things happened, the good memories with her was some of the best days of my life. I remember the 22th day of February on 2012, at the middle of a sunset, she snatched my first kiss. I still remember the feeling. It left me stunned and speechless. No word can fully describe it. The feeling was wonderful. The feeling of experiencing our firsts with each other is just wonderful. Love prevailed. Our relationship continued until our last year in high school when problems arose back to back. 2013 was our worst year. At New Year's Eve, we broke up. It was already a bad start. Then we had long fight that almost went through the whole summer vacation. I knew these fights were not healthy for our relationship but we kept having these arguments that we eventually stopped having conversations at all. During the early months of our 4th year high school, I was depressed. I met this new transferee girl that gave me advices when I was really down. I was in love of the thought of being in love, that I became blinded very deeply with the illusion of it. Later, my depression became hatred. Me and my baby did start talking and hanging out again, but I can't feel anything special. I wanted to be honest so I made the decision to break up on August. Not because I liked the new girl, but because I don't want her to suffer longer if I lie about my feelings. I did hang out with my friends together with the transferee, but I never courted her. My biggest mistake was I made the decision hastily when I was mad at my baby. But not long after, I regretted it. I could not find a girl similar to her. She was the perfect fit for me. It's like she's everything I want from a girl. I loved her from her body deep to her soul. College days came. More than a year has passed and both of us were going on our own ways. During sleepless nights and boring times, I missed her, but I was afraid what she and other people might think if I tried to court her again. I gathered strength for about 2 weeks just to start a conversation. On December 2014, I approached her one time in Facebook and had some heart to heart talk. This year, I started to approach her more often to start a conversation and there's this time that we had a bet and if I lose, I'd treat her out on Burger King. I lost obviously, which is actually in my favor because I was so afraid that I couldn't ask her for a date. Turns out after that day, April 22, our feelings were once again mutual. It was supposedly a simple treat, but everything came back to us. We went outside alone together unknowingly our feelings did not vanish, they were just hidden. And in that day, it was a start of our new beginning. It was perfect. These first 2 months were full of fun and surprises. We had some fights this 3rd month and we had broke up twice now. Everything was due to my inferiority of making her feel special. But she is. She is my baby. She is my princess. My future queen. My future wife. The mother of my children. I want to cook breakfast with her. I want to wake up beside her. I want to gaze the stars with her. I want to have deep conversations with her during midnight. I want to spend a whole day with her just lying in bed doing nothing. I want to watch movies with her all day. I want to marry her. I want her to make me a father of 3. I want to grow old with her. I want her to see our children growing up. I want her to see our grandchildren too. I generally want to be with her at all times. This is my goal and dream. This is the life I want, me and her together, because she's everything I want. She's the only love of my life. I'd never want to lose her again, but right now I.. feel.. useless.

I am nothing without her, and now I am nothing.