Notes

im sorry :(.for everything. zion i know why you get upset i know why it makes you get upset and every time we end the conversation of me not talking i can feel how you feel and the mood after i notice how upsetting it can get how annoying and how upset i can make you , i always see how much it can affect you , us . i dont mean to make it look like that , i never meant for you to think i dont want to push myself for you , i always do :( i push myself to do so much to give you love through times i feel down i want to give you my happiness i want to remove the world and put you in the center of everything i always put you first before any person , no , only you because i love you YOU i love you with my soul my heart my everything and i always try to push myself to wake up for you go to school and come back quick for you try to eat fast , id get in trouble for you id skip school for you , id push myself to walk for you , id push myself to communicate or try too at least becaus ei care so much to fix everything i try i do i know im selfish i know im a person who givesup easily someone lazy someone who says stuff but sometimes never do , and im sorry im so sorry i get like that im sorry i stop what i plan because of fear becuse of the fear of regret , everything. i dont want to make you get upset i hate making you upset and i

know its easy by just talking but i dont know why i get scared , i know its bad to hear oh theres a bad reason she gets scared or shy what is it about me she doesnt want to talk too ,whats the reason , its not that hard , its easy for them but hard for me?" , i know the thoughts youd get i know whatmakes you thimk that i would too if i were in your own shoes i would be overthinking everything i would think bad stuff and hurt my heart i would think he doesnt like me thats why he dosesnt want to talk and other cruel things you probably thought my reasons were and i am sorry i am sorry i make yu overthink i dont know why it hppens :( in my side there is nothing but love nothing but just you in my eyes nothijng but worrying and overthinking like you do and talking is just a fear i dont know how to explain because its so stupid and wil always sound like an excuse i dont know why but i am sorry. i hate making micheals name come up i hate for what he did , what i did. i hate that situation so much i pushed it away and never think of him unless we bring him up and i hate it so

much i hate his name i hate how much he affected us , i hate it :(. i hate how we had to be in that there were so many ways to prevent it ways no one shouldve done , ways to change a mind , ways to never meet him , ways to get out of it , everything . i never talked to him more than you zion , i talk to you more than i ever had with anyone before , i know it sounds like bs or a lie but from the bottom of my hearth its true , those were minute converstaions at school , once a month conversation , with you its every second and hour of my days , every second , every day , week , month , we dont go for days without talking we talk every single day from morning to night night to morning , morning to afternoon , afternoon to night and again and again going on for years and if we ever stop talking we always come back saying how much we missed each other and we give each other so much love we missed , with him it never was like that and i swear on my familys life , my own , ill even say yours if i need too , i never talked to him more than you and if you mean with my voice it neverwas calling all day i never once called him or did anything than text , i never sended anything to call i never wanted to call or actaully talk, im so selfish for what i have done all because of jealousy or for a reason i do not remembber but its never an excuse and i am so sorry :(( im so sorry i feel horrible terrible i keep ruining stuff i kee p making you upset to the point one day yiull get upset and leave and i am scaredfor thatd ay i never want to talk to guys or anyone because i know ho wmuch fucke d up that is to do and i never did it again , never again :(. i am shy i dont know how to explain how shy i am talking to people even the ones i know even my family in camera i could look outgoing but im so shy and get anxious talking to people , just anyone , i did talk to people i know i have i dontknow if you mean in school or online or both but overall i have talked to them , in person i cant ignore someone talking to me because its rude and i cant just do that i always talk or respond to people who talk to me even if im awkard or dont want too or im too shy to respond to a person

irl no matter what gender it is but right now im not doing that anymore i havent spoken to any guy at school i dont hang out after schpool anymore i dont get anyone socials i dont ever try to make a friend because all i need is you zion all i want is you as my friend my best friend soulmate lover , husband , everything and im sorry that sounds cheesy im sorry if it does im sorry im so sorry but i love you so muchmore than you know and i am so sorry i left the call my mom turned off the wifi i will turn it on im typing in notes im so sorry :(((.online i only really talked on call with 4 people or 5 , my cousin , nitro person for only just 5 seconds , andres or andrew just to play a roblox game , my cousin pero i dont speak to her anymore either , i think the girl from roblox too but i just sat in calland listened to her talk 2 , i didnt talk becayse i was too shy as well , i notice i only talked to people online for abit because i didnt care what they thinked or who they were because they didnt mean much to me to care , with my cousin because i knew her since we were kids and we talked irl and online so its really different , irl i did have friejnds like middle school or start of highscool who i would call and talk but because its a teens nature to do that and enjoy because we know and talk in school but i dont talk to them anymore , with the roblox girl i cared for her a lot and was her best friend bu t in the end you know how it turend out , and nitro i didnt care i did it for fun and unfriended them in the end, but with you zion im more than just shy i care what youll think i worry what to say what to do what will happen what if i sound weird what if my mom comes and yell what if he thinks im weird what if i talk too much what if i dont talk much what if i laugh weird what if i sound like a child what if i dont match my face just everything i overthink and i hate it i wish ic an just not care and talk but i do care so much because

irl no matter what gender it is but right now im not doing that anymore i havent spoken to any guy at school i dont hang out after schpool anymore i dont get anyone socials i dont ever try to make a friend because all i need is you zion all i want is you as my friend my best friend soulmate lover , husband , everything and im sorry that sounds cheesy im sorry if it does im sorry im so sorry but i love you so muchmore than you know and i am so sorry i left the call my mom turned off the wifi i will turn it on im typing in notes im so sorry :(((.online i only really talked on call with 4 people or 5 , my cousin , nitro person for only just 5 seconds , andres or andrew just to play a roblox game , my cousin pero i dont speak to her anymore either , i think the girl from roblox too but i just sat in calland listened to her talk 2 , i didnt talk becayse i was too shy as well , i notice i only talked to people online for abit because i didnt care what they thinked or who they were because they didnt mean much to me to care , with my cousin because i knew her since we were kids and we talked irl and online so its really different , irl i did have friejnds like middle school or start of highscool who i would call and talk but because its a teens nature to do that and enjoy because we know and talk in school but i dont talk to them anymore , with the roblox girl i cared for her a lot and was her best friend bu t in the end you know how it turend out , and nitro i didnt care i did it for fun and unfriended them in the end, but with you zion im more than just shy i care what youll think i worry what to say what to do what will happen what if i sound weird what if my mom comes and yell what if he thinks im weird what if i talk too much what if i dont talk much what if i laugh weird what if i sound like a child what if i dont match my face just everything i overthink and i hate it i wish ic an just not care and talk but i do care so much because