Honestly, I'm done, I love yall, but the stress and shit yall have put on me, and the stuff that has happend in my life, and yall treating me unfairluy is just so damn hard to deal with, I love yall but yall loose yall's anger out on me the worst way yall can, yall treat me so diffrently, from kevan audrey and bre, I know yall might not see the diffrence, but i do see it and its been eatting me out for so long, i cant deal with the arguments of mom and dad fighting, or seeing yall get into phyusical fights with me and kevan, thats why ive tried to just try and stay in my room for the longest bit, I'm just tired, I can see the diffrence I know the diffrence, yall might not see it but i do, and it hurts me so much, I have so much hatred for my self, my body, and everything, I've cried so much, and I'm sick of seeing myself and yall like this, I Stopped the self harming just to try and prove to yall that I'm, not a pussy but no matter what i do, im the pussy, im the bad guy, im the dumbass, im the retarded..Like do yall not see how that affects me?? Im you're child, and yall are treating me like shit, I know i say stuff thats rude, but i cant control it, and it hurts me so much to be mean to yall, but sometimes i have to stand up for myself and for whats right, I decided to run away for a couple days to try and let yall better understand how i feel and let yall have some time to think about what i've been through. i'm sick of myself, Yall talk me down so much and everything, and yall belittle me the worse yall can, and it hurts. I've been trying to ignore it as much as i can, and move on from it, but ever since britt killed himself, and after i lost all my friends and all that, i've been left alone to deal with my emotions, ive been left to deal with everything on my own, and yes, im a guy, i should be able to stick with myself right? I Should be able to ignore the hatred? Right? No, I've tried that for a long time and I've tried to do better for yall, my grades and everything, I hate seeing yall get so mad abt me and smacking me or hitting me, i cant forget about that morning that dad punched me in the face and gave me a black eye, or that night before thanks givig where me and mom was arguing and i said "stop arguinfg with me, please. Dad ran up to me, shoved me to the wall dropped the picture on my head, picked me up and knocked me as hard as he could, he left me with a bloody nose and a bloody mouth, and it hurt so much, and not once have yall said sorry to me about anything yall have ever done to me, and the pain yall have caused. I haven't heard one "I'm sorry Joseph for treating you like that, I'm sorry that I hit you and I love you" Why can't yall do something close to that? No, Yall just sit their and yall at me and expect for me to sit their and suck it up, It's been so long, how am i suppode to suck it up for years? It's been held against me for so long, That's why i use to cut myself, I cant tell dad about it because hell call me a pussy and then he and kevan would makes jokes about it while im trying to tell them about why i did it and waht help i need. Mom, you listened to me somtimes About it and I know its stressfull, i know im a handfull to deal with, Im sorry that I;ve been yall through this stressfull shit, I love yall.
--Sincerely,
-Joseph.. <3
