Notes

Things people say have always and always will hurt more that being hit physically. It's like you can't control the pain inside because it's so bad it's making you feel ill. So ill you would rather slip into a never ending sleep over dreams than suffer the stomach and heart breaking pain. Never being able to just breath out, show who you are, peel off makeup and show your face without having to have words said that cause such unbariable pain. After all words said over yaers and years that simply passed with no clue given to those who stood close. She just sat there and didnt drink, or eat. And then when everyone went to sleep, and the city lights filled the drakest of blue silk skys. She would run to the nearest food. Wwhether it be a buiscuit or scraps of left over food. She ate after every bite and food just kept coming. So desperate to make herself look presentable to others during the day. The night time is the only time she could stufff her face. She couldn't take not eating. She starved herself to impress, to show hidden mercy. But that one blue silk night, was one she cried and cried with every bite. 1% beacuse of the shame, 99% beacuse of the cruilty. Just standing there rcying with every mouth opening and close. Mother rushing in to comfort the one thing she thought was ok. Sitting her child down on the floor and trying to ccomunicate through every tear yet nopopening appeared. Breaking down next to her, her mum realised the food intake. Every mum nknew that this was strangers cruilty pressuring her daughter to lie to be thin. BUt no human being can ever lie to be someone their not. There is always a point whee they can't handleit. A when the city slept was hers. She was told not to impress, she was told to be herself. Yet self conciousness still hung embarassingly above her head. She knew what she was doing was just cruilty being forcsed into her head. Yet she carried on in secret. But lieing to impress, was who she was.