Notes

I have Athazagoraphobia, the fear of forgetting, being forgotten or ignored and being replaced.
I also have Misanthropy, the general dislike, distrust, disgust, contempt, or hatred of the human species, human nature or society.
And I have Hypophrenia, a feeling of sadness with no cause.
I have Anhedonia too it is the lost of interest of all activities that you used to enjoy, basically its the feeling of not caring anymore.
Nobody knows the real me. Nobody knows how many times I've sat in my room and cried, how many times I lost hope, how many times I got let down. Nobody knows how many tears I've had to hold back, how many times I've felt like I'm about to snap but don't for the sake of others. Nobody knows the thoughts that have gone through my head whether I'm sad, and how horrible they are.
I'm the kind of person who is fine one second and then overthinks and depress myself until a point that I'm going through the entire day and remembers everything bad that ever happened to me.
Sometimes I think were all in the same game just different levels, in the same hell just different devils.
My parents don't know that they lost their happy little girl years ago.
My life is like a silent hurricane. I feel like giving up, know one understands and they never will.
My scars are battles against myself and I always lose.
It sucks because I was getting better but now I'm not.
A cut here a cut there no one will notice no one will care because I'm too complicated to love.
I want to go to Wonderland and most times I feel like staying but I can't because I'm not Alice.
I don't depend on anymore because even my shadow leaves me when I'm in the darkness.
Everyone gets tired of me eventually and then they leave, they always do.
I'd rather tell all my problems to a stranger than a friend or family member because the stranger wont judge me.
My friends tell me that I shouldn't commit suicide and all I say is the its not suicide if you're already dead inside.
I go home. I look in the mirror. I think I'm ugly. I think I'm fat. and the worst thing is, the next day, it happens again.
One day I will kill myself, I don't know how, I don't know were, but I will, I promise and that day will be the end, Goodbye.