Notes

the feeling of burning inside. its painful. they don't know how i live. they just know how to command me, i can't do shit because if i do shit they will stop paying for my school and stuff, im 14 and im already thinking about killing myself. when i do shit, they tell me to do other shit. i wanna fucking kill myself in this world. If i talk to someone they can't do shit. i can't even comfort myself without looking weird. I can't even be alone. No reason. if i tell my fucking life story, im shit. i love my mother. I have to. I don't feel alive. I don't feel human. I can't even hate myself. yet im not loving myself either. I have to smile all the way, When i walk i just get said "Walk straight" "What's wrong with your walk" even though i told them i had flat foot. They know why. I can't fix my walk. I can't talk about my feelings. they just stare at me like im a piece of shit, i know i am. I can't fix that. a memory is a memory. I can't do shit. Im a fucking shit. Im a worm. worm just wiggles around. doesn't do shit. Doesn't see shit. Doesn't hear shit. always eaten. life is not another level. sometimes you have to accept that someone is more understanding than you are. My friends really know how to talk to me. I can't talk to my mother without the feeling of killing myself. Man i wanna cry but its always crowded. Its hard to keep a tear inside. Is god sadistic ? I can't say that but im questioning that. God planned all this. God knows how people will do and not do. Society does something wrong equals to more pain.