Notes

Dear Natalia,

While writing these lines to you, I am listening to music—'When the Storm Is Over' by Sofia Karlberg.

I also tend to listen to the same songs repeatedly and indefinitely. I feel that a song will never perish while inside a heart it still exists and pulsates. For example, when I listen to a song, I listen with the heart, in such a way that an infinity of songs are fixed on the covering of the soul. I have a multifaceted and timeless taste in music. Some call it eclectic—others, eccentric. I embrace different genres, cultures and times with everything I listen, read, watch, experience. I travel the world and travel through time.

Thank you for sharing how you feel about music and also the healing song. It sounds beautifully cathartic.

If I were to tell you, I would have to cast a spell on you: The Fidelius Charm. Joking apart. I ended up in the headmaster's office over a girl. Always the same bloody girl. ಠ_ಠ No, this is not a juvenile love story. She frequently kept getting me into trouble, on numerous occasions. I literally never—consciously at least—even done anything that might offend her in any bloody way. We were just classmates until it all started. And, guess the icing on the cake: our beloved mothers hated each other to death because they faced each other in court and mine won the case. I imagine if this random anecdote was a Korean drama, it would probably have turned into a hate-to-love plot.

When I read that my visits to the headmaster's office made you smile, a smile crept to my lips. Being able to make a genuine smile bloom on someone, enlightening the heart.

(The Korean movie is called Project Wolf Hunting. I've warned you already, there will be blood. Haha.. not everyone's cup of tea.) Thank you, for your consideration to the point of informing me about the abundance of blood present in the Korean movie. Do not worry, at five o'clock in the afternoon I drink blood instead of tea. Translating: I do not have any degree of aversion to blood. I am the kind of person who continues to eat normally at the table while someone talks about how he was to cut the wood and had his own foot almost completely cut off by his own ax due to his butter hands.

I watched the TV series Lost, of course. Your comment about 1899 just stoked the embers of my being that burns to watch it.
About dreams, If one day you come to remember some fragment of a dream, write it down as soon as you wake up on your mobile phone notepad. Feel free to share with me then.

You FEEL that you are the problem. But you are not the problem, Natalia. You seek to plan everything to get the most productive result possible and a counter-plan in case the plan fails. You bend over backwards to achieve the desired result. This says a ton about your commitment and sense of responsibility, even if it results with an inconvenient outcome. I repeat. You are not the problem. You just feel that way.

Getting the diagnosis was liberating for me. It all suddenly made sense. Details about myself that I used to judge harshly rather than seek to understand and then work it out in myself appropriately. When instead of judging, we seek to look at it from a less embracing and more welcoming and understanding perspective, because we finally know the origin of it, it was like being reborn for me. Your brain will still function differently than neurotypical people, but now you will be able to gather and properly use tools that will help you to embrace a more real version of yourself, because you are getting to know that version that has been there all along, wanting to be seen, wanting an opportunity to just be. Truly be.

When you have some time to yourself, I suggest that you allow yourself to explore the posts on this — [https://bit.ly/3GORjET] — ADHD-centric Instagram page. Reflect on how many items seem to depict some part of your life. Make an online test, for curiosity propors. Since our first conversation, this metaphorical voice has been beating up on me that I should bring it up with you. It is worth investigating and looking for a professional with whom you can address your suspicions based on your own experiences and difficulties. The evaluation for ADHD generally consists of several steps. Adults with ADHD may have additional symptoms. ADHD tends to run in families. Many parents of children with ADHD had symptoms of the disorder when they were younger. Also, ADHD often occurs in siblings in the same family. One of my nephews for example has ADHD and autism. Although there is no cure, treatments can reduce symptoms and improve daily functioning. Treatment of ADHD often includes medication, lifestyle changes, and behavioral therapy.

Sorry to hear that you feel lonely sometimes when you do some of the activities you enjoy, alone. I am likely to feel lonely when around people whose energy demonizes mine. What may seem eccentric for some people is that I genuinely enjoy my own company, so depending on the human companionship available, I prefer solitude and the company of nature, animals, the sky, books– My circle of close mates has always been enduring, though not permanent. At all times in my life, it was made up of a small number of people, although I could easily move between other groups, harmoniously, interacting with different kinds of people, without feeling compelled or seduced to belong to it. Basically, I have always been like a comet that crosses someone else's sky, but never feel the need to stay in. This is not synonymous with my feeling of friendship being inferior or insincere. It has always been genuine, deep and unconditional, yet peculiar from the outside. I believe that time is precious to invest it lightly. Although I believe in reincarnation and the immortality of the soul, I feel the truth of the phrase "We only live once" — no incarnation can be repeated or restarted from the beginning. Only in fiction. However, All the relationships that I enter into and nurture are true and that does not change, however long it lasts. I am a true friend, even though I am not the most popular model of it, as I am not always present, although I make myself present when I return while many people have never left and seem distant and disconect than ever. For example, as I write to you, I am as present as if we were facing each other. There is a piece of me in every letter, like an Horcrux.

People normalizing or not the act of a person enjoying any activity in their own company, we must shield ourselves from the opinions and expectations of others regarding us. Otherwise, we run the risk of taking a path always at the mercy of someone else's compass. And each person has his own North, what his soul, heart and mind always turns to. After I left the teenage I started to embrace being an outcast. Still, I can understand the struggles of those souls who feel they need to be as society dictates, even if it means not being themselves.

“The truth was a mirror in the hands of God. It fell, and broke into pieces. Everybody took a piece of it, and they looked at it and thought they had the truth.” — Rumi.

The normal is the truth of each one.

I consider discipline and punctuality two admirable strengths. I strongly suggest you continue allowing yourself to contemplate new positive details about your person. For example, at this moment, what comes to your mind that is positive about yourself?

I have been a private carer for over a decade. In parallel to that, I am volunteering. The public I work with are elderly people missed by their families, children and adolescents, also rescued animals and environmental. While I love what I do and I do what I love, it is a topic I do not usually delve into. But that is me. I do not mind hearing about ot from anyone who enjoys sharing this details or needs to vent about it.

It is interesting to learn new things or delve into knowledge already acquired on a topic, as long as it is not something forced, but something matured organically. It has only now occurred to me that you might wish to discuss Nihilism with me. Please accept my apologies if I sounded rude. We can talk about doctrines, philosophies, sciences, theories, whatever comes up. For now, you can share with me— if you want—your perspective on Nihilism. I will be all ears, or rather,all eyes and fingers.

Note:

My conversations always end up on the oceanic depths of some philosophical reflection on something. In the midst of entertaining and fluid conversations, humour, inside jokes and topics that distance ourselves from everyday life and get closer to the human being and the core of the soul. Thoughts; feelings; impressions, sensations; beliefs; principles; values; dreams; passions; desires; hopes; longings; insecurities; fears; inspirations; idiosyncrasies; randomness; theories; preferences; likes and dislikes; rituals; superstitions. Interests, hobbies. Favourite things. Everything and nothing in particular. I have genuine interest in everything that someone feels comfortable sharing with me. But, I have not had many interactions here yet. Otherwise, I have been trying to help whoever I can, on the way I can, as often as I can. And that is something I am grateful for.

The helping souls part, I have been looking for some members of the textual role-playing niche here. But, I feel that I am one of the pioneers. Not to mention that there are those who end up confusing my search with the search for others for textual intercourse. The confusion is natural, of course, as both create scenarios on which their characters meet and interact; however, my quest does not focus on the erotic. As a storyteller that has an unconditional and ancient love for reading and writing, among others love equally genuine and profound. The fascinating multiverse of textual role-playing is multifaceted and can be mesmerizing, enthralling and amusing. A powerful tool for a writer and reader. A way to let creativity flow in a myriad of different directions. Dethrone the creative block. An alternative and cathartic therapy as well.

I took a role-playing project centered on Hannah Baker out of the drawer. Years ago when I read the book in one night and after that, I watched the adaptation for the series, the seed of a plot started to germinate on my brain. Currently the plot has gained a soul when in the past it had only conquered the body. However, it has been an eternity that I have not developed a collaborative plot, through role-playing. RP is an invigorating mental exercise, I can tell.

Sincerely,

Chiron.