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it's been a few years, i think. i've been losing count recently.
it could've been days, or months, or a century. it doesn't really matter to me now.
in the view of a sunny walk on a beach,
the ripple of a wave beckons me.
i breathe.
and i don't.
i've made a home out of it.
it's quite homey now- familiar and safe.
although the occasional shark passes by,
and the freezing cold always surprising,
i can't just leave this sanctuary.
and so, stay it will.
i hold my breath.
and i don't.
the sunny heat used to be seductive.
the joy of the children and the sandcastles on the beach used to be cathartic.
the laughter of the seagulls used to be melody.
now it's an empty bottle of pills on a lonely nightstand.
i've learnt that there's nothing left for me.
but nothing is better than something.
expect, but do not hope.
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