Notes

i feel like if i write this maybe i will forgive myself and just get over what happened but i'm not sure if i will but its worth a shot.
i was 11 years old when bobby started touching me, thats when i can remember my first incident i may have been younger i'm not sure. it was on a night time and i way laying in bed with mam and bobby i'm not sure where joshua was at the time. i way laying in the middle of the bed mam was pregnant with hartley at the time. bobby started touching me on my privates. i had clothes on, from what i can remember i think i was wearing my pink princess top and pink pants. he was using his had ontop of my clothing , i pretended that i was asleep. i cant remember what happendd after that but i must have woken up to him doing it . i woke up in the mornign and he acted like nothing happened.
as i got older he started to get worse but i can remember most of the incidnets not by date but by what happened.
there was a few times where i could be by myself with him, mam would have went to the shop or went to the toilet and he would touch me. somtimes if i was bymyself either mam took hartley with her and josh or joshua was upstairs on his phone or lapptop this wasnt always the case.
there was a time where i went to walk upstairs and collect my dinsey princess books and was going to come down and read them to hartley. i heard bobby say to mam that he was going to get the lighter so i tried to hrry up and find them. he came upstairs and blocked me in the bedroom, i remember standing at the doorway and he put his hands down my pants. he said "just spred them a little bit for me" i grabbed his hand and tried to take his hand away but i couldnt he was too strong for me. i heard mam start coming ip the stairs so i said mams comign he quickly pulled his hand out and went into the room and he said he couldnt find the lighter i started to walk downstairs as if nothing happened.
there would be a few incidnets where i was sat on the couch and he would put headphones in and he would put stepdaugter and step father porn on his phone, i tried to keep wathcing the tv but he alwasy tapped me on teh sholder or poked me in my side to watch and if mam ever looked in or sat beside he would go onto youtube.
there was a incidnt where my eczema was really bad and mam left me home alone so she oculd go round the courner and get the cream drom her friends as i had left mine in alstin, he came home and he was drunk and high. he locked the doors and windows and said that i had to repay him as he just gave me and joshua £30 each. i was waeing a onzie he unzipped my onzie i said no i dont want to do this. i walked into the bathroom he followed me i walked out and went upstarirs he followed me and trapped me in the bedroom i got up and went downstairs he went please i agve you the money so you have to do this fo rme. i gave in and he unzipped my onzie again and he pulled his pants down i got my tablet and messaged mam i said mam where are you please ocme home hes back, i messaged her firends son, but my battery died, he said you better not be recording me i grabed his hand and went im not. he got my hand and placed it onto his penis, and made me touch him while he was touching me my family came home and they started knocing on the door, i quickly zipped my onize on and he pulled his pants up, joshua said why is teh door locked and i said oh i was scared someone was going to break in, i rushed to mam and gave her a hug that same night a car crashe douside.
there was another time where we were downstairs mam was poorly so bobby siad she could go to bed , joshua was on the couch with his headphones in, me and bobby where on teh spinny chairs, he got a blanket and turnt it into a bed, he got my and him under and put porn on his phoen while we were watchign a film called carrie, he got his hand and started touching me and made me touch his everytime joshua left the room he took the blanket off and started touchigg my boobs.
i'm not sure where everyone was at the time but mam had got bunk beds and i always said i wanted the top one, one day bobby followed me into the bed room again i was wearing my pink princess top and pink bottoms, and he started chasing me round the bedroom, the bunk beds weernt high so i climed onto the top bunk eh followed, i then jumped down, he followed and eventually after repeated times i gave in and he pinned me down, and started touching me, he pulled my pants down and he put his head inbetween my legs, i tried to get away by crawling to the top of the bed but he pulled me down by my legs, and he then got behind my started touching my on my boobs, he then got his hand and started touching my privates, and he took my hand and made me touch him, i let go ad told him to stop, he pulled my up to his level and started rubbing his penis onto my vagina, i told him it hurt and that i didnt want to do it, he eventually got my top wet but at the time i didnt know what it was, it turns out he cummed on my top, he finsihed and walked away. and went into his room.
he told me that if i ever told mam aboout any of this she wouldt belive me because i'm her daughter and she was in a relationship with him. i told him if he carried on i would tell mam so he stopped for a few days and then started again.
there was a time, me ,nanna,hartley,josh, bobby and mam went on holidy to scarbrough. we all used to play in the swimming pool, there was a game that we used to play i was never good at swimming so they used to chuck me in teh air and let me fall in that was bobby and joshua, everytime bobby did it he used to touch me in the mean time. we went out one day to walk the dog just me and him, he went on his phone and put porn on i wasnt intterested, and tried to walk away, we were on abig feild with a forest and benches in, he then helf me in one place and told me to open my legs he said he wanted to do what the people in teh video was watching, i didnt say no but i tried to walk away. ther ewas nobody around. we then walked into the forrest and there was a small hut he sat me on his lap and started getting his penis out again he started placing it in my vagina i told him it hurt and i told him i wanted to go back to mam, i said that if this happened i would get pregnant btu he said that because i wasnt a woman yet o i wouldnt, we fell down the hill due to the dog pulling us, her name was lulu and she was a brittish bulldog.
bobby used to touch me anywhere, on the trian, in bed, walking the dog, alone, people about. i should have told my mam or my dad but i never did, i let it go on for so long i always thought it was normal. i really wish that i told her, i wa sso so stupid not to. now he gets to hurt other people because i didnt tell her.