Notes

There's so much I want to say... I wasted 5 months of my life when I could've been doing something else productive. I let this somebody hurt me. now it's hard for me to trust anyone. I cry every day about being hurt because I know if I did that to them they wouldn't like it but why do it to me? the whole relationship was an illusion, just fake like I felt I was the only one in love. it was one-sided. now I'm scared to love anyone or give my love to anyone. all I did was keep going to him so he would keep doing the same shit and never change. as I'm writing this, my eyes tend to tear up because I did so many things I never did to be with this boy that I've never done with no boy. but that shouldn't be how a relationship is supposed to be. I snuck out for this boy, let him sexually touch me, and told my stepdad about him, and it's just crazy to me because I never did that to anyone mannn. but no one knows because I never open up to anyone, no one knows how damaged I am inside they just think I'm just this sweet, happy girl and I'm not very much drained, tired, depressed, and stressed. if God gave me a sign before I would've listened but he did tell me something learn from your mistakes and never do it again. when I was in that toxic relationship I hurt myself a lot and after I was supposed to heal and I didn't I got into a relationship and it's not going right now. I swear after this relationship I'm not fucking with no one. I'm more so mad in myself because I let people get to me too much and I don't communicate and neither does the person like they don't keep it a buck with me and now a day people dgaf about others feelings so I just stay quiet and that's my problem. I want to text him and tell him what he did was just crazy but he just won't understand what he did.he wanted every thing his way and that's not fair.