Notes

she really really loved him. she felt like she was the happiest girl in the world. but none of it was real, she always wonders when he said 'I love you" if it was really real or if he just said it to shut her up and not make her suspicious of anything. but when he left her without any words she was hurt, confused, and devastated. he came back and she let him come back into her life, and she knew it was the biggest mistake of her life. he ruined her life and cheated. she always wondered what she did wrong, she always asked herself stuff like " is there something I said or did?" she would even question herself if he cheated because of the way she looked or talked? she cried and cried and begged God to give him back to her. he was her first love, and she loved him. it hurt her a lot when thinking about it because she realized that he lied to her, manipulated her into doing stuff she didn't want to, gas lighted her, used her, and cheated. he knew how much she loved him and why would he just do that? did she not mean anything to him? "Did i look a certain way that he didn't like me anymore? did he ever like me? was it my fault...?" she always questioned herself with stupid questions. she always says he'll always have a special place in her heart, but she also says she'd never let him come back into it. yes, he made her happy, but he was a lesson that she learned from. it's true she cried because of him. and then she started treating people like he treated her so people can know what she felt. she turned into him, and she hated it. she always blamed him for it then she realized how wrong it was, just because she felt a certain way doesn't mean she should pass it on. she's in her own circle and don't answer any guys that wants to talk to her because she knows that if she becomes attached, she's going to detach somehow and it's going to be by hurting them. he gave her the best memories, but she hates him. how can she think of somebody this much and say she hates him? I don't know. she has a side in her that loves him and knows she'd still do anything for him ... but there's another side in her that hates him because of how much she thinks about what he did to her, and she knows she'd never let him back into her life he created so much damage to her. but that girl is gone now, not only did he create damage, but he also created this confident girl who will never let herself get treated that way ever again and think it's just love. - anonymous.