Notes

The Lollipop Lesson - Life Changing Lessons From My Homeless Little Girl
It's been a difficult year to say the least. My daughter, service dogs and I lost our home because of abuse right relating to this time this past year. We've depended upon the kindness of others to supply temporary shelter, food and clothing; and so are truly grateful.

For a while following the attack, I was numb. Post Traumatic Stress froze my emotions in an effort at self-preservation. I tried to remain strong for my daughter, waiting until she was asleep to cry the tears of fear, loss, and panic that gripped my heart.

I kept thinking, "Overall, I'm an excellent person. I give of my time, possessions and my heart to others. I treat people fairly and always make an effort to do the right thing. I'm teaching my daughter the same morals and values that were instilled in me as a kid..." yet, though I was a good person, and my daughter was an innocent; we sustained a brutal attack brought on by alcoholic rage of a once-loved and trusted family member. I couldn't get my mind around the betrayal. I prayed-a lot. I was disheartened that I didn't get any response, and felt that God had betrayed me as well.

I became enthusiastic about my loss, and the injustice of the whole lot. At one point, I felt as though my daughter might be better off without me, that I was holding her back from having a secure future. If she were placed with a real family, then she'd have the opportunity at an excellent life...one with a roof over her head. I was the main one who was simply disabled and struggling to provide adequately on her behalf; I was excess baggage. She had her whole future ahead, and I feared that having me in it ensured her a hard and dismal one.

I felt as though I failed my little girl in so many ways. She misses having friends, an area of her very own, and the security of knowing what tomorrow provides. The guilt felt such as a wet coat, gradually getting heavier, wearing me down and preventing me from moving forward.

I've learned so much from my little girl in the last year, and I look at her with a new wonder and admiration nowadays. For some, true forgiveness is lip service. "I absolve you," is really a benign phrase we have been prone to say whenever we know we have to, but we often lack the opportunity to truly let go. Not my little girl. She still remembers the attack, still feels losing; yet she's somehow found it in her heart to totally forgive our attacker who hurt us so badly.

Sarah never complains, although she has every right to. The only real home she ever knew, all her friends, and the innocence and security that should be a child's right; was cruelly snatched from her. Advertisements for items that she knows she can't have taunt her at every turn, yet she is the first to supply one of her few remaining and cherished toys to another child who is sad or hurt. At bedtime, she thanks God for the blessings in her life and will be offering up prayers to others, never requesting anything for herself, because she feels as if she's all she needs. She doesn't complain when I'm sick and can't play with her, or that I cannot afford to provide her the extra things I know deep inside she would love to have...only issues an "I really like you Mommy...you're the very best Mommy!" whenever Chiropractic Practice Marketing , seemingly oblivious to my disabilities and my shortcomings.

I dug through the change in the bottom of my purse and bought her a lollipop at the store today. She'd had her eye on it the entire time we were in line to pay for our purchases. It was the sort of lollipop you'd see in days gone by that are twisted with different colors, a neat old-fashioned pop that cost $1.00. She never asked for this, never whined or even gave me the "look" that pleaded silently; that is exactly why I decided to get it for her. I really couldn't afford it, it's the end of the month and I only had $1.35 left to my name. I wouldn't have any more money coming before first of the month, almost weekly away, when my scant disability check arrives... but she'd been this type of good girl, and I really thought she deserved a special treat. I foolishly worried that my last few cents should've been better spent.

When I reached into my purse and counted out enough for the pop, you would have thought I gave her the key to the magic kingdom! "Thank you Mommy! You're the very best Mommy!" She shrieked with sheer joy, thankfulness gushing from her lips and unabashed love and joyous tears shining in her eyes as she hugged me with every ounce of strength her tiny body could muster.

All at once, the cloud of despair that had hung over me lifted and I shed the coat of guilt I'd been carrying for such a long time. For the reason that moment, I felt the divine presence and grace I'd been praying for. He broke through the wall of protection I'd erected and sent His Message through finished . He knew I loved more than life itself; my daughter. I knew without a doubt for the reason that very instant, that I was the household that my little girl needed. I knew that I wasn't baggage holding her back; I was the glue that was had a need to keep us together. I knew certainly that my prayers had been answered and I had been blessed from above. With tears in my own eyes, I realized that the angel that stood happily devouring her unexpected treat within my feet had blessed me as well; and I was never going to be the same.

I was in awe at this child of mine, and I was so thankful for the lesson she'd taught me.... while I'd wasted my time feeling guilty and focusing on what we'd lost, my daughter had shifted and was concentrating on what remained...a thing that was more important than anything else; through it all, we had one another. Though I only had 35 cents to my name, I felt richer than ever before.

My daughter's youthful insight to a grown-up situation brought me to a place where there is no longer any room left for doubt or worry; leaving me with the ability to put those useless feelings that had been cluttering up my mind behind me, ultimately freeing me up to enhance my life through opportunities I've since produced from my new perception.

Though she's only four, my daughter has the ability to be able to look past what she's lost to find true joy and satisfaction of experiencing only the basic necessities; and being truly grateful for them. She rejoices in the easiest of kind gestures and is out of her way to do the same for others. Just how many of us adults can claim that? I've learned a whole lot from her; I hope you have, too.

In the spirit of giving, I want your life be blessed with the insight of my little girl, the shedding of one's wet coat, a new and positive perception of life...filled with an unlimited way to obtain lollipops.

--Proud to be the one Sarah calls, "Mommy"

***Epilogue: This story was posted on many Internet bulletin boards over the past month or so. Due to the Lollipop Lesson, along with other automatic writings that God provided me with since, I have already been noticed by several publishers and companies looking to print my story; and for me personally to inform it as a motivational speaker. God moved the cloak of despair from my eyes so that I could see new and exciting opportunities born of faith and the amazing inspiration of my litttle lady.

Copyright � 2007 by Kimberly Carnevale and Sarah Lynn Communications, L.L.C

Kimberly is first of all a proud, single Mom to four-year-old, Sarah. She is a successful author and motivational speaker. In 1999, Kimberly founded Canine and Abled, Inc., an award-winning program that advocates for service dog handlers and educates concerning the benefits of service dogs. Her first book, "Canine and Abled, Taking The Dis Out of Disabled" was published in 2004 and details Kimberly's former career as an Olympic hopeful to the founding of the much acclaimed educational program. To contact: http://www.KimberlyCarnevale.com
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