Notes

One of the hardest things to understand about life is why will there be people that will take you for granted. Specially the people that you hold so dearly, with so much love and care. One day I will understand this, but as of right now I just need to deal with it. You always hope for those people to change for the better so one day they can be back in your life but sometimes that feels impossible.The question arises, why will they do that to the people that have always been there for them and will actually love them forever? Is it because they believe that they will always love them no manner what and takes that love for granted to make mistake and use there kindness agaisnt them? It so hard to give people all your trust and love because if it lands on someone that will break that because all they thought was about them and not about the other person, those are the worst feelings someone can have. You believed them with there words, broken promises, and false panicked attacks so we don't leave them. Those are the worst feeling. Staying with someone that will make you feel bad because you want to be happy by leaving them but they won't let you because of there selfish desires. This happens when they take that same person for granted. Rather than becoming someone better for that person when a relationship ends, just in case they can find someone like them or even be with that person they hold dearly, they end up doing the opposite and regret what they did. They then ask for help and for comfort to that same person that always been gone, and taken for granted. Ive been in that position twice in my life time. Never thought in my whole world or dreams that the last person will ever take my for granted that many times and bring me back with making me feel bad for actually wanting answers after a break down and why they left to begin with. The pain of this is worse than before of course. Because I did myself marrying this young lady. I was hoping I will be the person that will help her change for the best and form a family but how things turned out. This girl I was crazy in love turn to be someone I have never met until I found out that she has developed different characteristic I never thought a girl I will fall in love will have. My dreams were shatter that instance. My world took a 180 degree turn for sure. My mind went crazy. My heart felt like it couldn't handle this pain anymore. At that moment, I actually found myself. The truth came out. The person that I thought I was, came out because reality strucked at this fast pace. I remember who I was and I for once in 3 years open my eyes and realize that the person I was madly in love with was not that person I was starring in the eyes. I had no clue who she was. She was a stranger in my heart. She looked like the person I was madly in love. But it was not her, she would have never hurt me this bad. She would have never kept a lie like this away from me just to make herself feel okay for the mistakes she had made. At that moment I realize that the imposter I was talking too all this time needed to be let go my me. I needed to step away and find that girl I feel in love. IF somehow, that girl was consumed by another person then someone I will find that girl I fell in love with another body then if that was the case. The same characteristics I wanted in someone I would have not mind spending the rest of my life with them and making a family.