Notes

10/03/2023 9:47 pm. I don't want to date dawn anymore; I want to focus on myself and be free. I want to be able to jokingly flirt with my friends. I don't have any romantic desire with any of my friends, besides one, addy. I love addy more than my life. I know for a fact that addy thinks of me as a best friend, but I have this urging desire to be more. I love dawn so much though and I will never throw him away for Addy, unless he breaks up with me first. Addy's Aroace so in general I don't have any chance. I don't have a desire to be romantic with anyone, I crave attention, but I care more about my grades. Addy told me she relates to this song called Oh No! By marina, and I told her I do too. She thinks that I wouldn't actually relate to craving success and stuff like that, but I do, a lot actually! The google meaning of the song is "a song about striving for success and personal growth, even in the face of obstacles and doubt. The singer is determined to follow her own path, seeking personal fulfillment instead of conventional relationships or material wealth. She acknowledges that it is a difficult journey filled with hard work, failure, and death, but ultimately, she is determined to become her own "self-fulfilled prophecy." The song serves as a powerful reminder to stay on course no matter what and to have faith in oneself." It's a very strong and poetic song I must say, but my personality doesn't surround this belief. I am generally an energetic person, but in my mind the only thing that matters is wealth and success. I want to rule the pyramid scheme. I know the scheme isn't real, but if it was that would be my goal. My achievable goal is to climb my way to the top of the empire and become a wealthy CEO. I also relate to a song called Are You Satisfied? by Marina! The meaning of the song is "The song “Are You Satisfied?” by MARINA is an exploration of ambition and fulfillment. The protagonist is dealing with the stress that comes with achieving success, as evidenced by their initial hesitancy in getting the deal that changes their life. Despite the concerns they have, they persist, driven by a need to succeed." And I am so driven by the need to be successful that I would kill someone. Another is Teen Idle by Marina, the meaning that the artist, Marina stated is "The song finds Marina looking back at her teenage years when she often felt suicidal and regretting not living them to the fullest." And well I'm sadly extremely suicidal and have a lot of regrets in life and they dig at my skin like small knifes. It makes me feel like clawing at my skin, just thinking on how I fucked up so much. Done, Finished at 10:04 pm.