Notes

i just want to die. nobody would even care right? nobody cares for me right now so why would they care when I'm dead. i hate myself im worthless I'm stupid I'm ugly. I'm just disappointment I just wanted to make my parents happy and proud i wanted to feel like they accomplished something but it's like no matter what I do nothings ever going to be good enough. i failed... i filed as a sister, i failed s daughter I failed as a girlfriend I'm just a failure. i just probably just end it all right now. but I can't no matter how much i want to die im scared I'm not scared of the pain. I'm not really sure why I'm scared I just m. but it constantly feels like depression and anxiety is constantly choking me, I hate it, there always there this pin in my chest because I'm so mentally drained, I just want to be happy, i just want to love myself. I absolutely hate it here. i feel like there's always going to be that pain in my chest until i die so I might as well end it all tonight. everyone says "god only makes you go through stuff he knows you can take" but I can't take this anymore I just want to put a knife to my throats and cut it. I just want to put a gun to my head and let the bullets go straight through my brain. I can't take this pain anymore it hurts so much the feeling of knowing nobody really cares about you nor loves you hurts so bad. should i run away? should i run away? i don't know... if I run away? if I run away? would they be mad? or they probably won't even notice. i always feel so abandoned even with my friends I thought friends were supposed to make you feel loved and wanted and special but mine... well mine abuse me make me feel so left out they probably wouldn't even care if I killed myself. I want to tell my mum how I feel but the last time i tried to tell her that I need help she called me an attention seeker. I absolutely hate it here, I hate myself, I hate everyone i just want to be left alone but every time I'm alone I feel so lonely. id jump in front of a train for anyone, I'll go through all this pain for anyone, but i know they wouldn't do the same. i always fuck everything up maybe that's why I'm a disappointment maybe that's why my parents hate me, but im just a teen girl who wants love who wants attention, who needs her parents love. I want to be like all these pretty girls, all these models all these social media influencces but ill never be like them, I'm to ugly I'm to fat I'm to short, im to stubby.