Notes

I'm giving up on life I want to harem myself because I'm only 12 and I feel like a prison I'm giving up everything I do for everyone else except for two things music and softball and my parents are trying to take that away from me. just think if your father cussed and your mom multiple times in front of your face and said you stupid how would that make you feel? what I feel right now is that I feel like no one cares about me and everything I do and say is bad bad bad. like now I feel why even try to be good at everything why try to help everyone expected yourself. you know what I get called at school innocent because I don't know anything dirty or bad like the other kids and I don't get invited to anything now because they don't even try to ask me because they know I'm going to say no because of my parents. like all my friends go to the park while I'm at home doing nothing and nothing and they are all going to go trick or treating, and I think I'm not going to even want to go. I don't hide anything from my parents even if I wanted to I would tell them before they can find out while other kids hind stuff and never tell their parents and then their parents find out and all of my friends go places to go hang out like they all want to go trick or treating with each other and i didn't even get invited in tell i found they were going to that then I got invited and I asked why did they not invite me and they said oh I thought your parents will say no so we didn't ask and you know how bad I felt I didn't even wat to go anymore and they said there going to take away everything now I can't close my door and my phone might be taken away forever and the only thing I do on it is to speak to my friends and play music I love music so much it makes me happy so so much but my parents say it's bad so I guess are friends they say I can to anything without them I just want to be me but I keep trying to be good and perfect for them there's not even a true Janessa it all fake no one will know the true me only one person and only them and it for sure not my mom or dad its god, he only knows how the true me is I don't even who anymore it's all fake a fake smile fake happiness but when nothings fake is when I'm alone with softball and music but my mom and dad are there so how come I can't enjoy my teammate when my dad is there is when im having funny because im enjoying the time while my dad wants me to stay away and then I Lisen to music I get in trouble because I listen to it too much and it's too loud and now I can't do anything I love. I give up I don't care anymore and what my dad tells me or mom.