Notes

It all started when our antagonizing protagonist, Senpai, woke up in a foxy forest. It was the seventh time it had happened. Feeling really concerned, Senpai poked a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Heart filled with earnest fortitude, he realized that his beloved Hentai was missing! Immediately he called his former cellmate, Uguu Chan. Senpai had known Uguu Chan for (plus or minus) 200,000 years, the majority of which were enticing ones. Uguu Chan was unique. She was smart though sometimes a little... clueless. Senpai called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Uguu Chan picked up to a very unhappy Senpai. Uguu Chan calmly assured him that most albino cats grimace before mating, yet 3-legged wallabies usually earnestly turn red *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Senpai. Why was Uguu Chan trying to distract Senpai? Because she had snuck out from Senpai's with the Hentai only nine days prior. It was a electric little Hentai... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Senpai got back to the subject at hand: his Hentai. Uguu Chan panicked. Relunctantly, Uguu Chan invited him over, assuring him they'd find the Hentai. Senpai grabbed his hammock and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Uguu Chan realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the Hentai and she had to do it aggressively. She figured that if Senpai took the tricked out go kart, she had take at least seven minutes before Senpai would get there. But if he took the Rape Van? Then Uguu Chan would be barely screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Uguu Chan was interrupted by three selfish Tentacle Monsters that were lured by her Hentai. Uguu Chan panicked; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling pleased, she aggressively reached for her carrot and aptly backhanded every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the swamp, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Rape Van rolling up. It was Senpai.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Sears to pick up a 12-pack of gerbils, so he knew he was running late. With a calculated leap, Senpai was out of the Rape Van and went earnestly jaunting toward Uguu Chan's front door. Meanwhile inside, Uguu Chan was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the Hentai into a box of potatos and then slid the box behind her hippopotamus. Uguu Chan was exasperated but at least the Hentai was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Uguu Chan wildly purred. With a apt push, Senpai opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some selfish beer-sloshed tool in a neighborhood-terrorizing crotch rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Uguu Chan assured him. Senpai took a seat excruciatingly close to where Uguu Chan had hidden the Hentai. Uguu Chan sneezed trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Senpai was distracted. Ever so extemperaneously, Uguu Chan noticed a funny-smelling look on Senpai's face. Senpai slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Uguu Chan felt a stabbing pain in her fingernail when Senpai asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the Hentai right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A funny-smelling look started to form on Senpai's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's potatos from when she used to have pet venomous koalas. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Senpai nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Uguu Chan could react, Senpai recklessly lunged toward the box and opened it. The Hentai was plainly in view.

Senpai stared at Uguu Chan for what what must've been four minutes. Giggling like schoolgirl, Uguu Chan groped exotically in Senpai's direction, clearly desperate. Senpai grabbed the Hentai and bolted for the door. It was locked. Uguu Chan let out a sassy chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Senpai,' she rebuked. Uguu Chan always had been a little abrasive, so Senpai knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Uguu Chan did something crazy, like... start chucking carrots at her or something. Heart filled with earnest fortitude, he gripped his Hentai tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Uguu Chan looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Senpai. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame three days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Senpai. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Uguu Chan walked over to the window and looked down. Senpai was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Senpai was struggling to make his way through the bush behind Uguu Chan's place. Senpai had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Tentacle Monsters suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Hentai. One by one they latched on to Senpai. Already weakened from his injury, Senpai yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Tentacle Monsters running off with his Hentai.

About seven hours later, Senpai awoke, his double chin throbbing. It was dark and Senpai did not know where he was. Deep in the inhospitable imaginery desert, Senpai was abundantly lost. Ever so extemperaneously, he remembered that his Hentai was taken by the Tentacle Monsters. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a enlarged Tentacle Monster emerged from the haunted thicket. It was the alpha Tentacle Monster. Senpai opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the Tentacle Monster sunk its teeth into Senpai's love handle. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Senpai's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Uguu Chan was entombed by anguish over the loss of the Hentai. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened carrot. With a heroic thrust, she buried it deeply into her armpit. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Senpai... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the Hentai that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant Tentacle Monsters, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end