Notes

real (I wish I could just escape reality right now. it would it just be better if I weren't here. I literally can't do anything anymore. I'm so tired of saying sorry to everyone even though i actually did nothing. I always try my best to focus on school and get good grades to make people happy. But I always cant fucking make them happy. I'm really trying my best to make people happy right now. What happened to me being happy all the time? Why do people always hurt me this way? Instead of treating me the right way, they made fun of me for every mistake I made. they ruined me. I wish I could just feel loved and be special. All I ever wanted for them to be happy. I'm so tired of always cleaning up the messes they made me get into. i can't even make them happy. I loved them so much, why did they leave me? I’m so tired of hiding this from everyone. I wish I could just be happy with my life. I'm so ungrateful. Why am I still here? Im so fucking tired of hiding this. I wish I could just explode all of my emotions out. but I cant because im afraid the same situation would happen where they fucking left me without any hesitation. Did they ever actually love me? I really did try. Really hard for them just to be happy and proud of me. I've tried so much. Even though they said that they loved me even though i knew they never would , it still hurts. I'm so disappointed to see my happiness in my life fade away. I miss the old me and the new me isn't any better.) i hate myself my personality and everything about me i think I'm a ugly ass person with a smile to everyone i feel like i annoy everyone i know no one cares about and who would care if i ended my life right now like bro I'm just a failure to my parents and my whole family and friends and i cant do anything about it. i should js kms n keep cutting till i feel better. getting high back to back rlly be making my emotions js go away hate all of this shit i js wanna feel good again i dont think i should started smoking but now its rlly the only thing i like doing but i fucking hate ts and then my fucking thoughts js become so loud and so i smoke again and again and now im js idk someone pls help me if you want fr i js need someone lmfao im high asf rn, One thing I’ve understood is to never expect anything you would want from anyone cause when you do, you’ll just be left disappointed, sad or angry, I can’t trust anyone or myself. I'm happy that I'm alive (actually I'm not happy about being alive i hate myself i know no one cares about me or loves me imagine i take my life today.) How I feel:
[2:44 PM]
Its my fault, every fucking thing is my fault, how come 1 friend unfriends me then another, I know I cant just cry over it but I am crying over im such a sensitive little bitch that can't handle its own feelings, I feel like I cant be here anymore I might js quit because of my fucking parents fighting all day long n not caring about me, I also don't wanna be here because I hate the way I look, I dont know, I js dont feel like bein' here**.