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Hi Mia... well uhhh ye idk how to start those really long letters. I'm about to write a letter thats about as long or a bit shorter as the thing about wanting to make changes in life on ask.fm. I hope you don't scan through my crappy wording and actually read it bc this is a kind-of important reply to the note you sent me.

My friends that i lost:
I lost so much that I can literally ducking explode.
One of them suicided, and I lost at least 10. Most of them were online, but that doesn't mean I never lost any irl.
Romantic Interest + Why I'm an asshole:
I'm going to be honest right now... the crush I said at school... if I had to choose I'd rather date anyone from the derp squad. He's barely even my crush. I'm not saying I have a crush on you, or anyone at the squad but you guys are really close to me, that's probably why I screw up SOOOOOOOOOO many times in front of you that it's not even cool by the time you forgive me.
My Jealousy With My Friend's Friends:
I'm going to confess tbh, but I might sound like a friken attention whore
To be honest, I'm kind of jealous of people that the derp squad hangs out with, who isn't in the derp squad.
Please don't hate me after this, I just wanted to relate to your being jealous part. I'm sorry if i sound like an attention whore. For example, thats why I say Moshe hates me, because I'm jealous. Once again I apologize. This is so hard to say to you because I'm scared now tbh.
My Self Esteem:
I have low self esteem because of the friends I lost, and the fact I'm bullied at school. That's about it.
Tbh:
Tbh you guys are AMAZING friends, I can't even put it to words, I would want to suicide even more than I do when I stress a lot if you guys leave me. But, it is okay to tell me that you don't want to hang out with me.
Don't send this to anyone else, I used the derp squad because I love you guys equally, but this is towards you.

Tbh ily. Don't hate me.
     
 
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