Notes

im done here. She doesnt love me. She has her eyes on a impure male. He has tried many things with her, she still stays blinded by love. Following him unknowingly. Very aware of what could happen. Nobody cares at this point just because of those idiotic voices. "They" make me do things i dont want to do. but they still make me, it gets worse and worse every time. now i just have unfamiliar emotions. they confuse me so much. i dont know anymore, i just want it to end. i fear that this is their goal. they want to end ME. they say so many mean things. it hurts it always does. But now all my friends just see me as a crazy person. i have never felt so alone. all i once knew is gone. it has disappeared. yet the only things that always stay are the voices, but i know that theyre just jealous because i dont talk to them as much anymore. so they have locked me in a cage. all alone. nobody here as far as the eye can see. im in a horrible, cold, lonely, and dark cage. heavily gaurded by my worst fears. they will never let me out. i try. but i can't. they occasionally come to talk to me but, all they ever do now is argue and insult me. everybody i thought i could trust has left me. or have i left them. i will never know at this point. i now walk a lonely road. i strayed from the path i was supposed to go. the voices forced me to. and now i walk a lonely road... the only one that i have ever known. on the bulevard of broken dreams. i was foolish to beleive in such idiotic, pointless, and meaningless feelings. i know now, i am but a mere shell of a person. people will never truly know nor understand ME. they try but they fail. one person that tried to help me out of my cage comepletely failed because my voices took over. i hurt her instead. for this reason, i no longer care for social interactions. i try to be nicer now. i told her good morning trying to be the happy person she knows. but now she doesnt do as much as reply. she acts like she cares. but i know the truth. im just there. im just an item. just something taking up space in her "friend circle". nobody understands. i dont do everything i do by will. I am forced to do some things. i would like to apologize to everybody who had to deal with me. its not like i had any true meaning in life. i was just there to entertain them. with my idiotic nature i made them laugh. im glad they can feel true happiness. unlike me. never have i been able to experience true emotion because i am never truly myself. they take over, and they control me. i dont want them to. but there are too mant to fight off. i try but they always keep me in my cage. never letting me out. i wasnt always kept in this cage. i used to roam free. i used to socialize with my voices. they used to be friends. when i was younger they came to me. they talked to me. they kept me company. they have always been with me. as long as i can remember. when i was lonely it was them that came to keep me company. they were the only ones that ever truly cared for me. if anybody dares to call them imaginary, fake, etc.. they will get the worst side of me. i know now that they are the only ones who have cared for me. how could anybody ever care for a person like me. i used to beleive in emotion. even love. but i no longer care for these pitiful emotions. i have learned that they are obsolete. all they ever do is hold me back. why should i even care. i shouldnt even try.