Honestly, I had doubts in writing this. But I think you should know the truth. I want this relationship; you made me like you more the day you took me home safe. I can't even say I fell in love with you because honestly, I didn't. And it isn't a bad thing just that I have walls in the word love and as soon as I drop those walls things start going left and starts becoming a whole chaos. But no, my feelings for you were never a doubt. Since the day we started talking till the day now and even after what you have done, I never once questioned it. Lately I've been seeing you being distance with me, and it makes me wonder a lot. But then I started realizing that you don't like me the way you did when we began dating. What have I done wrong? What can I do to improve? Does he truly love me? is he using me? Am I forcing him? Those are all thoughts that run through my head when I see things changing in between us. Our past is something we should both reflect on and continue forward to become better and to be with someone you truly love. Everyone makes mistakes... you made a mistake, and I made a mistake. My mistake is that I'm leading something that isn't there anymore. When did you stop loving me? Why are you telling me? What can I do to make you stay? Will this damage our friendship? I can't lie to you my overthinking has messed up who I have and had and with myself. I am not proud of it but what I am proud is that I know what I need to do to control those thoughts I am one hell of a strong ass female. These past couple of weeks ever since we got into a fight and stayed like that for a week, I had some time for myself to question what I really want. I am happy when I am with you Dominic and I know I don't show it but when we are together my heart literally skips a beat. You found me in my healing stage and even now I am still trying to heal not just for you and this relationship but for me. those conversations we have when I ask if we are okay and if we can change this or that you always say "I'm sorry I will fix it" or the day my sister texted you if you really wanted this relationship and you told her yes. I honestly don't believe that. I don't see anything changing and if so, it's just you are being more distance with me. And since you are being distance with me, I know that you have lost feelings for me. I gave you a chance because I wanted you to be the man you want to be. A man where he isn't afraid to show his partner his emotions, a partner who you can rely on, a partner you can be a kid with and not worry about them judging you, a partner where you can have good moments and bad moments, a partner where on the bad moments you can both sit and talk ad solve the problems. When it comes to relationships, I do nothing but love, reassure, support, hold, and stay. Dominic you are a very caring and amazing person and honestly, I can't thank you enough for always being there for me eve when you weren't okay. And I apologize for not being a better girlfriend for you, but I have done my very best to be there for you even at my lowest point. Sometimes I question if you are proud to be my bf. Sometimes I am scared in knowing what you tell your friends about a relationship. All I am really trying to say is that I am tired of me just having to try and fix on something I didn't even do. Regardless of what i will say at the and I don't want our friendship to be the end of us talking. throughout of us knowing each other and dating, I have seen a lot of improvement and gosh dude I am so very proud of you. there are times where I tell Ashley about you, and she sees me smiling just me talking about you. I remember this day I was talking to Ashley about you and the improvements I saw in you, and she asked me "why are you smiling and thinking about his success and not yours?" and honestly these are the exact words I told her. "My success will never make me happier than having to help someone who I found lost and broken. I am smiling because moments like these are the true core memory of a relationship." I am always proud of you Dominic. Regardless of if you made a small mistake or so, like I said everyone makes mistakes, but it is those who learn from their mistakes the ones that show true color. Like I said I don't want our friendship to end or this relationship to end but I can't force it anymore and I just... I don't know what else to do. I think we should both just be friends and truly know what we both want, I will always be your best friend, I will always be down to go to car meets, go hang out, go race, get-away-home, I am down for whatever with you, because at the end of the day you are my best friend. I may not know you more than what you have known your homeboys, but I have seen a lot from you to feel like we have known each other long. But I just don't get that reassurance anymore, we talk less, our conversations die, haven't hung out, barely sotp, barely smile at me, barely ask time for me, barely tell me you love me... so this is why we should stop dating. I am still going to check on you and make sure you are okay and everything, but I just want you to figure out what you really want and truly find out if this is who you want to be with for the rest of your life. I understand love... I get it, I do, but I am draining myself mentally too. Don't take this as a goodbye thing, just a wakeup call to find yourself. And if you find someone else and truly don't want to be with me, please let me know... I would hate to feel and be seen stupid by running back to you when you want me to knowing you truly don't want me. I want you to keep this letter, when you feel down or want to reach out to me read this letter. Know the feeling that it gives you and lay down and close your eyes. Don't feel sorry for me and don't feel bad for me, this ride with you was one of the best experiences I ever had. I love you Dominic and it will be my last for now. But you are always welcome to reach out to me, come over when you want to get away, hang out, a person to vent to, a shoulder to cry on. I want to be here for you, and I want to be the person you reach out to when you need someone. till this day I will never judge you for your true feelings. So as for my finals say, I am proud of you Dominic and i want you to keep pushing forward and work hard for what you want. Go have fun kiddo, be safe, and have a goodnight rest. You did good kiddo and I can't wait to see what God has in your path in the future.
- Jamee :)
