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I wish I could talk to you right now.... I just wish that you can talk cus im not too well right now and i really am needing someone to talk to. Im sorry for when you actually see this... I already know im going to talk and talk.... sorry i just think i can go to you in times like this. if im wrong tell me so when you can.... okay? i was just thinking of everything. and by everything, i mean everything. like us; how i miss you, but your so confusing, and how i have no clue about your decision and stuff... like school; my grades, my attitude towards it. like my homelife; how much i miss living in indiana but wont move for the sake of you and hannah, how i absolutely hat me sister somehow, how i try not to eat at home.... like hannah and hailea; how they have so much worse than me but i still complain so much more, how they need me but idk how to help. like myself; (im sorry for this part btw) how my hair is so plain and ugly, how my face is just...crooked, how im fatter than falcon fat albert or some shit, how im ugly and i cant do anything right because i keep losing everyone and everything slowly somehow in some way, how im pathetic because im a complainer, how im worthless cus i cant even keep my grades up, how i really need to fix myself but i dont know how, how i want help but no one knows how to either well.... idk if you know how to help but i know you do help, and hannah knows how to also, i dont fully understand otherwise i would explain that. im such an actor because i act to be happy some of the time instead of letting everyone, letting you hannah hailea, see me all depressing because ill tell you what, if id let you guys see how depressing i can get you guys would hate me and think im some alien or something. i guess ill stop for now cus i left a really long paragraph thing... im sorry for that. no one else is answering me, and everyone here at my real dad's think im asleep so idk what else to do about it. also please please please please dont tell anyone about this please... i dont want anyone thinking im so pathetic and stuff... well goodnight or whatnot.. and im only saving these so i know you read them. ill unsave them once you have read it all.
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