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I have a math test tomorrow and I don't know anything. When I say that's, people think that I am exaggerating, but oh god i am so so serious. I have so many questions, and my math teacher is so great. But I hate how I feel stupid when I ask her for help. I wish my freshmen year and sophomore year math teacher were still here, oh man I miss them, despite never being super super close to either. They would've been able to help me. I wish I understood everything, and it makes me angry-sad that other people understand these things and I can't :-(
I'm taking the SAT's on Saturday, and haven't studied at all because oh man, trying to understand math is SO hard. and it takes so much time. and im so tired.
Today, an adult figure in my life mentioned how next year I would be a senior. He asked me where I saw myself next year, and I tried to stop myself!!!! but I started crying and I couldn't answer his question. im not sure why. I was smiling and trying to hold it in and then I gave up and wiped one eye and then the other eye spilled out and it was so embarrassing and iT WOULDNT STOP OH MY GOD. he mentioned how I would have to be the rock next year, because "there's no one else [he] can think of that could fill in [__'s] shoes more than [i] can" and that he knew I could do it and I was already doing a really great job and then I cried again omg. We talked about the next few years and a bit about the previous year. There was one point too, where he was talking about Dayton, and his eyes welled up with tears too. he held it in, though.
im really glad I have him to talk to about these things though. he said he does it not for the music, and "even less for the winning. the only reason I care about winning and losing is because i hate having to see you guys' faces when you lose." *this is where dayton was brought up*
ah.
im excited for this season but I can not deal with how scared I am for next year. I've been dreading senior year all three years. looking forward to it, but also dreading it.
oh man I am a mess both emotionally and mentally 😅😅😅😅
here is my life guys hahahahahaha.
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