Notes

if youre reading this, you've either found it (yay!) or something has happened, so i told you to read this. i hope its the first one, i dont wanna have to make you read this in any scenario - i feel like that would mean something bad has happened and thats not good at all. but anyway, if youre here for the second reason, sit back, and try not to cry. happy places are around the corner, its just taking a while to get there taylor.

08/07/23:
so. you probably wont notice this for a while but yeah this is a different note :O duped you fr. (anjam edit confession #1: i sort of took pictures of all your drawings that you did on my hands back in the day, and cried so hard and couldnt get over myself when i lost them because my phone wanted to be funny).
i didnt get to say everything i wanted to say in the previous note, and sort of rushed it into a puddle of words that didnt look very appealing - so here goes nothing. you also told me to stop with the amazing thing, so i have to find a solid substitute.
isla erin taylor (sick name), is the best person ever, and im extremely grateful that she entered my life with her intelligence, humour, and general perfect personality. this playlist will hopefully chill and vibe here for a while and will be a reminder to us that we have each other whenever (obviously).
this was the part where i said "idk what else to say" when in fact I knew exactly what i wanted to say, just didnt have the balls to say it. I love you (also obvious), and honestly it feels like i genuinally struggle to brain-stuff without some tiny taylor input. youre a big part in my life, and im scared that we maybe only have one, two, three? years left before we magically disappear - never to cross paths again. (explanation for "We Meet Again" and "So Long Farewell" in the playlist? yeah cant lie). and yes, all my thoughts are like fairytales with bad endings, dw about it.

it feels like we only got close 2 years ago, and within one year of that i fucked up more times than i can remember which is painful to think about, and ill never forgive myself for ruining things that much. i had to acknowledge that, because my overthinking brain won't let go of that very easily anymore.
speaking of my overthinking brain, confession #2 time! (hopefully you dont see this for like a LOT of time). but yeah, the times where im greeted with the "thumbs up" or the "k" / "ok" are the times where my brain goes into overdrive and panics hard. i dont know why i pinpointed those, basically everything that you say triggers my brain to think into overdrive (because youre sort of that important) and overthink my entire life. i'd read my deep talk messages 3, 4 times over before sending, i'd consult charnveer on whether or not "this sunset tiktok" is best to send whenever i feel like somethings up (are you mad at me?). but past the jokes, dont take this as a bad thing. this is just how my brain works, and you deserve everything whether i can give that or not. you deserve to have someone there, if you dont want to talk to me about something ill still be chilling for when you want me to pop up ;)
even right now, my brain is telling me im wasting your time from you reading this, and im quite the dumb idiot for doing so - but i guess maybe you wont see this at all so that sort of solves the problem.
hmmm what else...
oh and i realised i can risk confessing everything about me in here because you might not even see this, so the littered confessions throughout this is proof-reading anjam sprinking some goods. (confession #3: i went through a shit-ton of drafts of this playlist cover, i low-key may have made it my break from revising just to add little black and red hearts/dots that didnt affect anything).
obviously, im not going to confess everything to do with you, im kinda scared that youre observant af and will see this almost immediately (that jumpscare where i sent you the tiktok at midnight and you actually responded had me crying).
im contemplating why im doing this - i feel like you probably wont see this anyway pftt, but we move.

um, idk how many times ive said "i love you" in this so far, but probably not enough - even after this lengthy ass note im still left feeling as though i havent said everything and im not sure why; i think its just impossible for me to express how lovely of a person you are without experiencing an overflow error. although i do want to say, if youre ever feeling down just remember that the only way to get through a storm is to keep going - and i'll be here for you when you do want to keep going. we might stop for a bit, take a break and reflect but in the end im here every step of the way no matter how youre feeling. and we both like storms so that also works.

on that note, im gonna leave it there. i sort of started writing this at midnight and continued later in the day only to realise that this might not even be read, and if it is read it doesnt fully show you how much i do love you - i guess i gotta work on that huh.

love you (a little too much its kinda scary how much this is developing) lots taylor.

I love you, forever.
사랑해, 영원히