Notes

ive never ever edmited it but, i do cut myself to stop everything when it gets too much. all those 'try harder',
'youre so stupid', 'youre fat..' hurt more then they thought. ive tried showing how i felt to my parents but instead, they yelled at me. and said i only said that because of my sister being 'metaly ill'; i say, she isnt. shes always been like that. ive always never been asked 'are you ok?' by my own parents. im meaning like mentally, obviously when i got a scratch theyd ask that, but they never really ment it. my dad tried to hanout with me but it got too late, and he said. 'well go tommorow' that was years and years ago. he never really means it, i hate how he does that. he said it when me and him where talking about going to the movies. and i didnt get happy. i made sure i was ready to be let down once again. but inside i never was really ready for it. some how it always hurt. moveing on before i cry again. lets explain why im hurting. im jokeing if i cant explain it, i dont even now. not in like a 'im in pain' jokeing mader. but a "im. hurtting." mader, i cant desdcride how much i hate feeling tired but tired of hateing tired, yk. i cant even think of how, my own mother only startedvto care when i didnt come out of my room for 3 days straight(and still am), but only went out for bathroom. some. food, and shwoers, not really much. but when it was last summer i stayed in one spot for over 3 weeks and berally talked to them. my mom didnt even care. i hate how she thinks about gaby before me, you know how many years it has been of silent. cold. dark. and a quite life i had by myself. i tried to tell gaby, huge mistake, she always makes it about herselff like she always does. i jsut want someone to listen for once, i cant tell ayden because hes only knwon me for like 2 years, i told one of my close friend about me frist starting to cut myself, but when i tried to tell her again i felt like doing it becuase she promised she would help me get through it. she didn't, i shouldn't rely on people. but its what i do, so ive stoped, ive hide myself. i got off my socials like snapchat and tiktok. not texting anyone. ended all my streaks. none that madder.