Notes

Dear Melinda,
It's 8:30 pm and I am trying not to fall asleep. The post vacation sadness is creeping in and I'm still wrapping my head around the loss of Rhonda while also trying to be a comfort to Jena and Gem. Needless to say, I'm tired.

But I had to take a few moments to write to you to tell you thank you- and I want to thank your mom, too. See without you, Melinda, there would be no backups. We never would have met one another and created this little family. You brought us together. These wonderful women are some of my best friends, they've mentored me, guided me and cared for me for 8 whole years. I was practically a kid when I met them. So thank you for bringing us together.

I also want to thank you for singing "Home" on Friday. Don't get me wrong, the entire concert was incredible. I mean, shoes were almost thrown. But "home" has always been, and will always be, so special to me. It seems to come back in my life in phases. And right now, I needed to hear that song.

Ever since I reached my weight loss goal I've been in a bit of a funk. My therapist and I have been working through it. But, basically, as soon as I hit the goal I felt like I needed to change something else. Like I had to keep improving myself. Like I still wasn't good enough. I went frantic trying to find something else to fill that void. I considered training for a marathon or learning photography or moving. It wasn't until I had a conversation with Jena, followed by listening to your music, that I realized I didn't need to be constantly on the move. I've also been struggling with the immense fear of gaining the weight back. So much so that I weigh myself three times a day. I promise, I'm getting help. It's just been incredibly frustrating to have worked so hard, to lose all that weight, and to still be struggling with anxiety and unhappiness. But do you know what I do when I can't settle my mind? I listen to Home. It brings me peace. It grounds me. It reminds me that I am loved and that I can love myself.

One more thing... About tom.... We've been together for two years and everyone asks when we are getting married. It frustrates me. I love him and we know we want to be together and often talk about our future and marriage. But neither of us are quite ready yet. When others poke fun of us or when I feel weird about it, I listen to "I believe in love". That song perfectly describes how I feel about tom. The song solidifies my feelings and reminds me that it doesn't matter what other people think. What he and I have is special and ours. It's such a beautiful song and my greatest hope is that one day you can sing it at our wedding. But if not, that's what CD players are for ;-)

I love you mama and I am so grateful for the blessings you have brought to my life. I hope you know how incredible you are. One of my favorite parts of the weekend was watching your friends in the audience. You are so deeply loved by so many people. It's no surprise, of course, but it fills me with pride. You shine. God is using you in so many beautiful ways. I'm lucky to be one of the people that had had the honor to know you. As always, I'll be here supporting you. In everything that you do!

Love, Megan