Notes

There's a lot to my life.... everyone may not know it, but my mom is the one that caused almost all of the hurt and pain in my life. my mom is always choosing the guy she's with over her kids and always defending the "man she loves." I feel like she's always blaming me I don't know why she says me and my sister are the cause of her mental/emotional health issues, but little does my mother know that she's the cause of everything I feel towards myself. She is the cause of my mental health issues, my depression, my anxiety, and my communication issues. Shes never given me a reason to trust her she thinks she has but I can't trust her when I already know that she'll run and tell the family everything and not the good things just the bad things. SHE IS THE REASON I HATE MYSELF SO MUCH. Shes the reason why I question whether being here alive is really worth it, she controls my life without even realizing it. I just wish she was more like my dad he lets me make my own decisions and just says "every decision you make has its own consequences at the end of the day.". I feel like my life and my future is being planned by everyone but me and I wish I knew how to change that. Everday, I start to feel worse and worse about myself, people may not notice it but even the little things affect me. I feel like the only memories in my mom's head are the mistakes I've made in the past and it makes me feel like crap knowing that's all my mother ever thinks about. But it's not only her that plays a role in this......Justin aka my mom's new boyfriend for now I have never felt this way about myself until he came. I feel like when he entered my mom's life, he changed her not for the better but for the worse.