Notes

Rain drops dot the window like a rhythm that grows faster by the second. It became official that fall has arrived in the Midwest. The campus is filled with students under umbrellas roaming around to their next class. Fall always meant college season and that is why Allison hated this time of year. Stress and depression welcome her back, causing her to live twenty-four seven in the main library, stuck to her laptop screen. The list of missing and failed assignments pile on and on all in bold red writing. She is afraid to admit she is struggling to anyone. Her parents count on her to graduate and be a good role model to her younger siblings back home. All pressure weighs on her shoulders. If she falls or makes any little mistake, she would be a disgrace.

She picked the farthest table she could find to focus on an assignment that was due a couple days ago. Evey time her hands would tap on the assignment they would shake. The instructions on the white screen blur together as a mess. Asking for help would mean she is weak, and her parents would start to question her. The chair in front of her scrapes against the floor. The heavy smell of cinnamon and sweets clogged her nose. She didn’t have to look twice to find Cassie seated Infront of her. Blonde locks neatly tied into a ponytail. It swings off her shoulder as she brings her bag to the table. Everything she does is perfect. Her nails are always different colors, her effort for her outfits showed, and she is always caught smiling. College has been nice to her, it opened to her with welcome arms and support. Allison on the other hand was greeted by a dark cloud.

“Hey,” Cassie smiles up at her, organizing her books and notepads, “Are you doing an assignment?”

“Yes, but I can still talk,” Allsion shuts her laptop closed. The weight on her chest lifts off and she feels human again.

“Great! I already finished them all.”

“Nice,” Allison replies, “Maybe staying up all night yesterday helped.”

“It really did,” She sighs, “Thank you for being on the phone with me. Remember we use to do that in high school?”

“Of course, I do! That’s why we hardly got any sleep for 4 years,” Allison laughs. She opens her laptop again; the assignment pops up in all its glory. Her fingers glide on the keys, finally words and memory spill out. Her leg starts to shake under the table and the atmosphere of the library sticks to her skin. Her fingers halt, her brain is fuzzy and every sound drills through her ears. Someone is coughing from across her, chairs are scratching the hardwood floors beneath, laughs bounce off the walls, hitting her right in the face. Everything starts to become a lot, but a cold hand rests on hers. Allison startles at Cassie, seeing the softness of her eyes reminds her where she is.

“You, okay? Maybe you should take a break from this.”

Allison shuts her laptop, shaking the table with it. The room is too bright, which is odd considering the library is supposed to be a relaxing place.

“I feel like I don’t deserve a break.”

“Nonsense!” Cassie gasps out, “You look drained out. Maybe we should go to that party later.”

“I really don’t feel like going to a party,” Allison drapes herself across the table.

“Hm, I shouldn’t have said party, I mean it’s just for people to play games and sit around and talk.”

“That’s literally the definition of a party.”

“No! There won't be any music. Someone from my English class said I should go, isn’t that sweet?” Cassie smiles, taking a thin strand of hair from Allison to twirl around her finger, “We should go, it’ll help ease our minds. It’s more of getting to know everyone.”

“Fine, I’ll go,” Allison groaned, sitting back up, “But only to make you happy.”

Cassie has been acting weird. Within two months Allison has been seeing less of Cassie around campus. After the party nothing significant happened. Allison stayed by her side and left for their dorms right after. She tried contacting her, but Cassie would barely answer besides a dry reply. When Allison visited her once after class in her dorm room Cassie was quiet. She is never quiet. She is always energetic and chats about everything that has happened to her. When Allison tried to confront her about it, Cassie would swerve the conversation and avoid it. Each week that passes starts to become a stranger. She would not send any messages to ask for help with her assignments or to stay up at night and talk on the phone with Allison. That sparkle in her eyes seemed dimmed when they would pass each other in the halls.

She remembered one afternoon; Cassie was dozing off in a foreign language course. That isn’t like her. Cassie would show up to class bright eyed and ready. She had her supplies neatly prepared on the table and did everything she could to improve on studying. Even back in high school Cassie always had the nicest grades. Allison always envies that about her. She was perfect in everything, always getting everything right, while Allison felt herself struggling to focus on one assignment. Her brain was always a fog while Cassie was sunshine.

The library is full again right in time before the holiday season. Allision is in her usual spot with papers scattered over the wooden desk. She was able to get her assignments though countless nights of forcing herself to hyper focus on them. She has lost weight from it, but hiding under sweaters swept the problem away. Students crowded the library with their laptops. Some are in groups and some others are alone with headphones jabbed into their ears. Snow paints on the windows, sticking to them like glue. It is just like a couple of months ago, except Cassie isn’t here.

She rummages through her bag that is starting to fall apart for her phone. Her hands scramble to find Cassie’s contact. The last time she sent one was a couple weeks ago. She never got a reply after that. She taps her contact and asks if she would like to study with her. Her phone sits aside from her, and Allison begins to grab a packet of papers. Her notes are scribbled everywhere with some doodles spotted around. She cups her hands over her ears to focus. Her memory wins her over as she studies over a couple lines. Her phone vibrates knocking her out of concentration. She grabs it, expecting Cassie, but it is a message from her mom asking about her grades. Her stomach starts to twist in a knot, the sudden brightness of the screen is giving her a headache. She is about to type; her vision decides to be unfocused when a call interrupts. It was a call from Cassie’s sister.

“Hello?” She immediately picks up.

“Allison? Is Cassie with you?”

Her voice catches in her throat and she feels tension between the phones. She can hear on the other side someone panicking.

“No Shes not, why?” A million thoughts swarm her head. Is she okay? Did something bad happen? She hears shakiness from her sister, it starts to irritate Allison how slowly she is responding.

“I am not sure. We tried contacting her, but she was acting weird. Her location is turned off.”

“What?” Allison pushes back the chair, shoving everything into her back, “What did she say?” With no response from the other line besides background voices Allision grunts, “I'm going to go find her.”