Notes

The Lollipop Lesson - Life Changing Lessons From My Homeless Little Girl
It's been a difficult year to say minimal. My daughter, service dogs and I lost our home because of abuse right about this time this past year. We've depended upon the kindness of others to provide temporary shelter, food and clothing; and are truly grateful.

For a while after the attack, I was numb. Post Traumatic Stress froze my emotions in an attempt at self-preservation. I tried to stay strong for my daughter, waiting until she was asleep to cry the tears of fear, loss, and panic that gripped my heart.

I kept thinking, "On the whole, I'm an excellent person. I give of my time, possessions and my heart to others. I treat people fairly and always make an effort to do the proper thing. I'm teaching my daughter the same morals and values that had been instilled in me as a child..." and yet, though I was a good person, and my daughter was an innocent; we sustained a brutal attack due to alcoholic rage of a once-loved and trusted relative. I couldn't get my mind around the betrayal. I prayed-a lot. I was disheartened that I didn't get any response, and felt that God had betrayed me as well.

I became obsessed with my loss, and the injustice of the whole lot. At one point, I felt as though my daughter may be better off without me, that I was holding her back from having a secure future. If she were placed with a real family, then she would have the opportunity at a good life...one with a roof over her head. I was the one who was disabled and unable to provide adequately on her behalf; I was excess baggage. She had her whole future ahead, and I feared that having me inside it ensured her a hard and dismal one.

I felt as if I failed my litttle lady in so many ways. more info misses having friends, an area of her very own, and the security of knowing what tomorrow provides. The guilt felt like a wet coat, gradually getting heavier, wearing me down and preventing me from continue.

I've learned so much from my little girl in the last year, and I look at her with a fresh wonder and admiration these days. For most, true forgiveness is lip service. "I forgive you," is a benign phrase we are prone to say when we know we should, but we often lack the ability to truly release. Not my little girl. She still remembers the attack, still feels losing; yet she has somehow found it in her heart to totally forgive our attacker who hurt us so badly.

Sarah never complains, although she's every right to. The only real home she ever knew, all her friends, and the innocence and security that should be a child's right; was cruelly snatched away from her. Advertisements for things that she knows she can't have taunt her at every turn, yet she is the first to supply among her few remaining and cherished toys to another child who's sad or hurt. At bedtime, she thanks God for the blessings in her life and offers up prayers to others, never asking for anything for herself, because she feels as if she has all she needs. She doesn't complain when I'm sick and can't play with her, or that I cannot afford to give her the excess things I know deep inside she would want to have...only issues an "I really like you Mommy...you're the BEST Mommy!" whenever you can, seemingly oblivious to my disabilities and my shortcomings.

I dug through the change at the bottom of my purse and bought her a lollipop at the store today. She'd had her eye on it the complete time we were in line to pay for our purchases. It was the sort of lollipop you'd see in the past which are twisted with different colors, a neat old-fashioned pop that cost $1.00. She never asked for this, never whined as well as gave me the "look" that pleaded silently; which is exactly why I made a decision to get it for her. I must say i couldn't afford it, it's the end of the month and I only had $1.35 left to my name. I wouldn't have any longer money coming until the first of the month, almost a week away, when my scant disability check arrives... but she'd been such a good girl, and I really thought she deserved a particular treat. I foolishly worried that my last few cents should've been better spent.

When I reached into my purse and counted out enough for the pop, you would have thought I gave her the main element to the magic kingdom! "Thank you Mommy! You're the very best Mommy!" She shrieked with sheer joy, thankfulness gushing from her lips and unabashed love and joyous tears shining in her eyes as she hugged me with every ounce of strength her tiny body could muster.

All at one time, the cloud of despair that had hung over me lifted and I shed the coat of guilt I'd been carrying for so long. For the reason that moment, I felt the divine presence and grace I'd been praying for. He broke through the wall of protection I'd erected and sent His Message through finished . He knew I loved more than life itself; my daughter. I knew certainly in that very instant, that I was the family that my little girl needed. I knew that I wasn't baggage holding her back; I was the glue that was needed to keep us together. I knew certainly that my prayers had been answered and I have been blessed from above. With tears in my own eyes, I realized that the angel that stood happily devouring her unexpected treat at my feet had blessed me aswell; and I was never likely to be the same.

I was in awe at this child of mine, and I was so thankful for the lesson she'd taught me.... while I'd wasted my time feeling guilty and focusing on what we'd lost, my daughter had moved on and was concentrating on what remained...something that was more important than anything else; through it all, we'd one another. Though I only had 35 cents to my name, I felt richer than ever.

My daughter's youthful insight to an adult situation brought me to a location where there is absolutely no longer any room left for doubt or worry; leaving me having the ability to put those useless feelings that had been cluttering up my mind behind me, ultimately freeing me up to enhance my entire life through opportunities I've since created from my new perception.

Though she's only four, my daughter has the ability to manage to look past what she's lost to get true joy and satisfaction of having only the very basic necessities; and being truly grateful for them. She rejoices in the easiest of kind gestures and is out of her way to do the same for others. How many folks adults can declare that? I've learned a whole lot from her; I am hoping you have, too.

In the spirit of giving, I wish for your life be blessed with the insight of my little girl, the shedding of your wet coat, a fresh and positive perception of life...filled up with an unlimited supply of lollipops.

--Proud to be the one Sarah calls, "Mommy"

***Epilogue: This story was posted on many Internet bulletin boards in the last month or so. Due to Lollipop Lesson, and other automatic writings that God provided me with since, I have been noticed by several publishers and companies looking to print my story; and for me to inform it as a motivational speaker. God moved the cloak of despair from my eyes so that I possibly could see new and exciting opportunities born of faith and the amazing inspiration of my litttle lady.

Copyright � 2007 by Kimberly Carnevale and Sarah Lynn Communications, L.L.C

Kimberly is first and foremost a proud, single Mom to four-year-old, Sarah. She actually is an effective author and motivational speaker. In 1999, Kimberly founded Canine and Abled, Inc., an award-winning program that advocates for service dog handlers and educates concerning the great things about service dogs. Her first book, "Canine and Abled, Taking The Dis Out of Disabled" was published in 2004 and details Kimberly's former career as an Olympic hopeful to the founding of the much acclaimed educational program. To get hold of: http://www.KimberlyCarnevale.com
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