Welp, I have a boyfriend now. I didn't think this would happen, with the person I am dating. Noah Ornstein. He goes to Kayla's school. He is extremely cute and you'd think I won all men... Except he's three inches shorter than me. I don't exactly know how I feel about that. We have hung out three times, I have gone to one of his baseball games, and I am going to one this Wednesday. He was my first kiss. We have kissed over twenty times in the three times I've seen him. I haven't seen his for like over two weeks and its pretty crazy that its been that long. The last time I saw him was Friday, April 22nd. We've made out maybe a total of 6 or 7 times. I don't consider myself a good kisser because I don't really know what a good kisser is. But I'm sure as hell he isn't one. We haven't even used tongue yet but whatever, I don't really know how to master the art of tongue anyway. Update on all the people I have written about. Arthur, Fuck Arthur. He is so fucking unbelievably annoying I can't stand him anymore. It is insane that people like him because I sure as hell do not anymore. It grosses me out to think we were one stage away from dating. I am so smart and intelligent for not ever becoming official, I think I would've killed myself on the spot, the second I said yes to him. Nick, I don't really talk to Nick anymore. I only every talk to him bout Sylvia and Everett, which by they broke up and now Sylvia has a whole new boyfriend, Nick Mo, not my Nick if you were wondering. Nick is still gross to look at and horrible to think I dated him. He hasn't had any new relationships since me and I'm not at all surprised by that, no offense Nick but full offense. I really like this website, I feel protected, like I could just write all these things down and nobody could ever find them. Christian, is still Christian. He just turned 16, his birthday was like last weekish. I still like him and it's a big problem. I consider him one of my best friends and I know for a fact the feeling is not mutual, but I don't really care. I just need to move on from him, because I have a boyfriend know. Speaking of, I think I am going to go back to Noah now, I have more to talk about. So he has told me I love you already. He did it literally after the first time we hung out, lowkey... ick. I have not said it back yet because honestly, I don't feel that way about him yet. Sure we're dating, we have been for a week and a day now, but that doesn't mean I love him at all and I don't think he's accepting that very well. I feel bad, I do, but me feeling bad for him is what got me in this whole dating situation anyway. He has been asking to ask me to be his girlfriend for so long now and after like a few weeks, I just felt bad, I couldn't take it anymore. He doesn't know what savoring time means. It's not like I was going to go anywhere. Sure I had some crushes, maybe I still do, who knows (I do). But whatever (Christian, Beckham, Anthony). Whatever. I am not allowing myself to tell him I love him until I really, truly do. That's just border line rude to lie to him like that. He knows that I will get there when I get there, as much as it could be potentially hurting him, this is my life and our relationship is made up of two parts, I get 50% so does he. Ok I think I am done writing now, I probably have some homework to find and do. - Paige 5/8/23 6:16 pm
