Notes

Sick of all the fakeness in her life Sarah knew that she would die if any more plastic ppl entered her life.....She had a burning desire to let the world understand in a love so pure that it would revolutionise love affairs the world over....
She couldn't believe all the lies, deceit & insecurity so many adhered to in the process of acquiring a mate....Why was it so difficult she thought, how was it that TRUE LOVE was perceived as some type of mythical exercise never to be experienced by hardly anyone.....Surely it wasn't THAT HARD, WHAT WAS WRONG WITH THE WORLD, WHY IS EVERYONE SO FUCKING FAKE...???
Years of dating had left her disalusioned, desperate & apathetic...She wanted to find real love not this SETTLING that most had convinced themselves was REAL....They were all fckn liars she thought, why do they all lie so fcking much....isn't anyone honest anymore.....
She thought back in her life, trying to remember any couples that she had witnessed to prove that TRUE LOVE existed & could only remember about 3....One was when she was young, about 13 & she remembers witnessing a couple in their early 20's so obviously in love, that they kept kissing for what seemed like hours as she played with her dog in a park...She remembers how in awe of each other they had been, never losing eye contact & at no time were they not touching one another & when she smiled you could tell it was the smile of an eternal gaze.....
The other time was her grand-parents, her mum's dad & mum, who were long gone now, she thought maybe it was just the way things were back in those days & the way she perceived it had more to do with her than how they really were, but then she remembered how quickly Grand-dad passed soon after his wife of 60 years died, it was only 2 months later....He had died of grief & it was obvious, not some old withered man who depended on his wife to do everything, oh no, he was strong, very strong, but once his beloved passed on, he too lost the will to live, as if life without her had no meaning anymore.....
The third couple was a little strange, although she hadn't had too much to do with these two, neither had she ever known their names, it was the owners of a florist..They were in their 60's when she'd seen them the first time, they hardly ever spoke, until one day I realised they were deaf.....They finally gave it away when they used sign language one day.....Omg were these two beyond the love of even the other two examples.......I remember how they would walk home everyday, they lived down the road from my home & as they walked often they would stop & look up into the night sky, often he would point out stars & she would giggle & laugh & she would squeeze his hand even harder, they were never seen more than eye sight of each other...How so connected they were, I'd never seen anything like it my whole life, for 6 months I witnessed this, until one day they stopped walking past my bedroom window, they had sold their business & I was to never lay eyes on them again.....
Ahhhh, what a beautiful couple...So honest, playful like 2 little children, not once could I remember them fighting, not once did he not look at ppl with compassion, such a tender old man, so happy, if only I could find a guy like that I thought to myself.....If only, but not fckn likely....It's as if the loss of one sense improved their other senses & as a result their hearts were full....
3 couples out of 1,000's this made her depressed & only frustrated her more...What was wrong with the world that so many ppl seemed to have stopped the pursuit of true love, it's as if their lives were replaced by status, the ownership of things clouding their perception & blocking them from bliss...I never want to be one of those ppl she thought, why the fuck would anyone want to live a half assed life.....Ewwww how fckn sad......p1

She was 35 & was fortunate enough to be raised in a middle-class family where money was never a problem, sure there were times where tightening the belt was necessary, but nothing drastic, the truth was that her parents weren't the materialistic type, hippies from the 70's & they had kept their bohemiath ways, even though dad was an accountant & mum a high school teacher....She was an only child, so growing up she had to find things to amuse herself with & friends would be more important to her than those kids with siblings, which lent itself to a more fulfilled life she thought.....She was fresh from a break up, a guy she'd dated for 2 years, someone that had sworn he'd be the father of her children, she often felt he used this line to keep her in-check, but she wasn't really phased by kids, she often had told friends MATERNITY wasn't ingrained in her, she attributed this to the fact that she felt she had less estrogen than most of her friends....The truth was she considered herself a progressive & often stated if she did have kids that they would be adopted, bcz quite simply all adults had a duty of care to be guardians to children the world over & that there was more than enuf ppl on the planet for now....She loved animals & a staunch advocate for animal rights, she remembers refusing to eat meat from a very young age, she had recently become a Raw Vegan & loved juicing, she would often sit up at nights concocting all types of new combinations, figs were her new love.....
She worked at a very popular down town coffee house & was one of the main baristas on the morning shift, so getting up 5am to arrive at work at 6am wasn't foreign to her.....& anyway she loved the fast paced environment of the mornings, to be honest she got paid fck all, but the job allowed her to be right in the hub of everything going on around town, to be honest although she wasn't a gossip, she loved the fact that she knew almost everything, ppl talk & Sarah listened.....p2

Her ex was just that, a fckn ex, a guy she wanted to forget, the sooner the better, he like so many b4 him, that had promised the world but couldn't deliver & when she heard the world she wasn't after diamonds & pearls, oh no, Sarah simply wanted a guy that could step up to the plate, someone that did what they said & never broke a promise.....It was so simple she'd always tell herself, all a guy had to do was never lie to her, as if doing so was impossible...What's wrong with all these guys she thought, why are they all such lil' twats.....She never minded having a boyfriend with boyish charm & the innocence of a child, but as soon as the lies materialised she couldn't get out of there fast enuf....Sure she never said she was perfect, in actual fact her catch cry would be, in-perfection is perfection, yet she refused to compromise her essence, she was an empath, for those unaware that's an individual that feels everything, even though she lacked hightened levels of estrogen, she was a very compassionate soul & like most quite in-tune with all the esoteric knowledsge floating around, but she was no bodies fool & knew how to discern reality from fantasy...SHE WAS THE REAL DEAL, with one leg in reality & another in the study of the mysteries of our universe, things like the placebo affect & why was it that our essence reacted to things in certain ways, this had always intrigued her & even as a young child, while others read books on romance, she prefered subjects like astronomy, history, egyptology & mythology....She was well aware that there was way more to life than just what the 5 senses noticed, that there was a whole universe or parallel universes as she often quoted, just there at arms length & all we needed was to evolve & soon all would be revealed to us......if only we could de-calcify our pineal gland & activate it at it's maximum capacity & this world would change over-night......She read a Nostradamus book at the age of 8 & ever since then she never looked back, many would state that sometimes her head was in the clouds, but she was convinced she was on the right track & that those that knocked her were simply too afraid to let go, holding on way too tight....
She couldn't believe the injustice in the world & thought fear had alot to do with it, mostly the fear of death we all hide from, even those that claim they aren't afraid of death, she always thought they were the biggest liars & would often tell those types to kill themselves & rid the earth of another liar.....Telling ppl what she thought, wasn't ever difficult for Sarah, often she'd just stay quiet & be one of those woman that heard it all before, so stayinmg silent was better than an ego fuelled rant......She simply listened & only ever spoke when asked a direct question, especially in social scenes & although some ppl found this strange, the fact that she was the quiet type meant pro-longed employment, she'd never been fired from any job, simply bcz her bosses of the past perceived this as wisdom......p3

She had porcelain skin & dark brown eyes, she stood about 5"7 & in heels her athletic shaped body would show, especially her well defined calves......She was on the swim team at high school & although exercise wasn't on the menu, not for the last 5 years, she still managed to get down to the yoga studio at least 2 times a week, she never would claim she did it for the exercise, more for the meditation aspect...But her hair was very healthy considering she worked in an air-conditioned environment most days, dark brown with red high-lights, naturally curled, but could be straightened without too much fuss.....Her lips were full, a carry on from her Persian mother's heritage, yet most her features were Scandinavian her father having come from Finland....Both parents were a paradox & had met in Africa in the late 70's while doing charity work...She loved her parents & respected them for caring about the planet & all life-forms contained there-in.....Dad was a volunteer helping feed those from Zaire & mum was an art's teacher working for an International Art Foundation in Kenya, only to meet in Johanesburg in the late 70's & fall in love on the beaches of South Africa......
Sarah had a no bullshit policy, her parents never conditioned her with lies like Santa & the tooth-fairy, they were always honest & thought the world was full of enough stories, that to make even more up wasn't necessary....That if the parents who loved their child lied to them, then that child would be suceptible to even more lies later on in life......Protecting Sarah from the realities of life wasn't seen as protection at all, hence Sarah's desire for truth & integrity.....This strange yet very advanced way of raising a child, although quite rare, seemed to have resulted in a very well balanced individual, Sarah was happy, friendly, generous & extremely witty, her popularity in high school was second to none, so much so that after she had turned down the role of prom queen & passed on the honour to a girl with a speech impedimant, the teachers some of them in their 60's now still ring her up, to see how she's getting along 18 years after the fact......She wasn't the most attractive girl in the school, not at all, but she had a way with ppl....She had a knack to make everyone feel special, something that never went unnoticed by her parents, they knew their girl was special & when she refused to go to college on a scholarship, they understood & hardly argued their side......She was a butter-fly & angels with wings dont need their wings clipped......p4

Her wash-basin white skin sparkled in the sunlight, blemish free it was certainly her most fascinating feature, she hardly ever used skin care products, yet she refused to stay out exposed to the sun for any real length of time....Considering the counter culture she was surrounded with, one would think she had allowed ink to pierce her skin, but she couldn't dream of wearing the same jumper more than 2 consecutive days in a row, let alone a tattoo with a life-long commitment & thought it strange that so many others didn't see it the same way & anyway how was a message portrayed at 25 going to have any relevance at 45, she had no issue with what others did with their bodies & would fight for their right to do as they wished & understood the whole idea of freedom of expression, but somehow she felt that the tattoo fad had already faded & she felt fortunate she hadn't dived in.....She loved weed, it allowed her mind to stay open & kept her creative juices flowing, alcohol she found formed a block in her lower chakras & avoided it when ever she could, but coffee...that was her real drug of choice, she lived on it......Specalised Coffee & weed that was her back-bone, she avoided most other substances...She used to experiment with D.M.T & had even flown to Peru to partake in an Ayawaska Ceremony, but she found she required more & more & her trips began to get laboured & seemed to be forced a bit lately so she decided to take a break, the recent break up from her bf wasn't helping matters either, sure she wasn't phased but irrespective we are all human & seperations do take from us & energy sources can be depleted for a time......Her love for coffee was old, her grand father, her dad's dad owned a pool hall & as a kid he'd taught her how to make cappucinos, for all the dregs, hustlers & bandits that frequebnted those establishments in the late 80's & early 90's...A pool hall back in the day was a very colorful place, depending on the location & how late it stayed open would indicate the levels of depravity that would be found inside it's walls......But grand-dad was an old gangster from way back & nothing scared him, in actual fact all the punters that resided in his place of business & trust me some practically lived there, had a very healthy dose of respect for him & as a result I was treated like a princess, some of the best years of my youth to be honest, I really did get alot of attention in that pool hall & I can honestly say, even the drug addicts that hustled for money were very sweet & protective of me....Yes, the pool hall years with grand dad really did help in shaping me for years to come......p5