Notes

dear me, i wanna fucking kill myself. i make everything worse, i ruin everything. i run every friendship i have by doing some stupid shit. i cant keep a relationship. because of my mental issues. im bipolar, i overthink everything, i fuck it up everytime. i dont stand up for myself and when i do it always turns out wrong n i get laughed at. especially my sister ava. she makes me feel bad everyday i dont say anything really. and when i do my sadness becomes anger and i take it out on the people i love which im sorry for, but i odnt mean to hurt them. sometimes, i just wanna be alone. but my mom wont let me and than i break inside. and i always stay to myself. i have things i worry abt but i dont saying anything. and they always tell my mom and alaways call me something i dont like. i try to ignore but i gets worse everyday. atp i wanna kms..i dont wanna live my life because of my family
they always make me feel bad. my mom never lets me be alone n talk to people online. but the people i meet online..are the realest people i could ever meet. there always there for u. and its easier to talk to someone online than in person. because if i say some stupid shit that makes them not like me. i cant block them if its irl. i dont like people that much. but ive learned to deal w it. idk how i feel. idk if im depressed. i laugh and smile when im w people. but when im alone i cry, and feel drained. and i like the dark , i dont like bright colors. i like dark colors like purple. thats why, i like being in my room so much. it comforts me in some way. my mom also says im to young to be feeling this way abt people. this would is full of BS everyones fake. at this point ive gave up on love. i dont believe in it. it always ends up wrong.