Notes

I just wanted to say your forgiven for everything. I have tried changing for you and myself being the women I should have been but now I am because I wasn't lying when I told you how much you showed me that. I was serious and honest about how much you have helped me become a better person. I never had the courage to tell you the truth but I wanted to build up the courage to let you know finally... Mahdi no matter how long this has been going on, it has to stop. I have been delusional for way too long now and I will not let that overcome me because I know I am better then that... I am better then being obsessed over someone who told me to my face that we will never be together again. The worst part about it is I never listened, I wanted to keep trying, to keeping trying for a future together. I should have known from there and then that I was being delusional all over again, but I am willing to do what is right for once. I wont force you into something you don't want to do and I wont force you to be with me if you don't want to. Mahdi I am giving you the choice to build something with me, to build that future we promised each other 2 yeas ago, to be together with nothing bad in our lives... or I will let you go and live a happy life without me in it to ruin anything, a life where I step out of the picture for good. I know I made you the man you are today, the man that is hurt... but I also know that the man I fell for is still in there and you have showed me that multiple times. When you were with me I felt something... always, and I really felt that the man that was kind and the man I used to love had came out and opened yourself up to me. I also felt that with every kiss you were scared to open up to me again, scared to let go, scared to trust me, and even scared to be with me. I am telling you that I am done running away, I am done hiding. I love you and even if you choose to walk away from me I will always love you and you will always be in my heart. Even if you don't want to see it I have changed, changed into a better women with honesty, loyalty, and the love I wish I had given you because you never deserved anything that happened to you and that was my fault for breaking your heart and I'm sorry for not being there for you like how you were there for me. With everything you were still by my side and stayed with me and I will forever owe you with that. I don't know if you ever loved me like I loved you... but if you did I know that your willing to try again in the future but whatever you pick I will support you because that is what you deserve. You may have known why I still loved you but you never knew why. My mother told me when you are in love... true love, you feel as if you can not live without the person that you would be there for them always and fight your battles together because two is better then one. That day I thought long and hard because that day I realized that I fell in love with you, and it was for a reason. I felt my soulmate that day and my heart was calling out your name. Reminding me why I fell in love with you in the first place. You protected me, loved me, you even almost gave up your life for me. I will love you for whatever choice you choose but us just seeing each other once a month fucking.... it has to end, I can help you heal your broken heart you just have to trust me that I can help you fix it. I don't know if you have been feeling it too but you can take a wild guess at love because deep down maybe, just maybe when you kiss me and hug me and even hold my hand you feel it that we belong together. If you feel it deep down... that feeling then listen to that feeling and if you do just come to me and I will know what your answer is but if you stop talking to me for good then I will be ok with that because I gave it my best chance and tried. I love you and I hope you pick the right choice pooks.