Notes

When I was 5 years old, I remember that I was with my grandparents at the airport. They were either picking me up or leaving me with my dad, this whole thing that I'm about to write right now is about half of my childhood about how good or how bad it went. I was at least 7-8 years old at that time. When I was a baby, my mom divorced my dad for some personal reasons. So, I guess that the judge made me see my dad every winter break (2 weeks), spring break (1 week), and summer vacation (1 month). For me it was hard back then, I had no idea what my dad was like until I was at least 6 years old to realize. When I was 6-7 years old, I would always be excited to be with my friends at school and come back home happy to see my mom. I and my mom are a great team, just the 2 of us. I remember the first time I went back to visit my dad; I cried a little because I was a bit upset that I wouldn't see my mom for a while. Not because I was filled with fear of seeing my dad that day, but because things started to seem great. Until everything went downhill very fast, my dad started saying negative stuff to me that went through my mind for ages just to make himself feel better. My dad comes home drunk, threatens me, and forces me to do dangerous stuff that could hurt my mental health. He mentally abuses me most of the time, when I was 8 years old, I told my mom everything my dad has done to me, and she believed me because she knows him well. I begged my mom that I wanted to stay with her and not go with my dad, but I had no choice but to go with him. I remembered once I couldn't hold my tears back and just let them out, so I pretended that I missed him and hugged him to make it look realistic. Whenever I'm on the 2nd plane, which would be nighttime. I would always look out the window holding my tears wondering what my mom is doing right now without me. Whenever I get home to my dad's house the first thing, I do is tell him I'm really tired and that Ima goes to bed right now. Whenever I get to my bed and when the lights are off, I just cry for hours, wishing I could go back home. One thing that saves me from being away from him is staying with my grandma most of the time.