Notes

Dear Mohammed,
Yep every one of us had his own opinion about this and want to stick to his statement okay. As for me i didn’t end it because i don't want to cover. I told you earlier i’m not stubborn at all. I know wrong and right and I know I’m not wholly covered . Does it mean I’m a bad person ? Because that how i feel when you talk to me . I do pray for myself everyday and I do wanna be a better person who doesnt wanna be. You wont feel bad or guilty or anything because of this because you cant take it . But please can you please for one minute imagine what it feels like ? To have the only person you want to be with the only person you care about change, it’s like I lost you in some sort of way it’s like I dont know you anymore. I’m writing this and i feel i like i wanna burst because that feel like shit. Is it really that hard? You can't stand me because of that?
And I keep blaming myself for this idk who else to blame. I’m covered and I do respect everyone who care about me I know my manners and that does not change it. Idk how to save this i swaer i dont. The point is i feel like I’m the only one trying with this . You cant handle my covering what do i do ? I’m trying to change smth even tho its not for you but at least im trying . What are you doing ? Do you consider doing anything about it ? Maybe I am asking you to digest this but i dont have the right to.
Idk what its like for you but you keep comparing it with the marriage thing, even tho you know there is huge different . Is covering consider the same level as getting married to someone? You know it’s not fair .
والله تعبت اقسم بالله يعني عشان ما اغطي خلاص انتا ماتقدر تشوف شي ولا شيي كويس ؟ وانا اعرفك قبل و بعد و ايش يعني خلاص ماراح ترجع طبيعي الين ما اغطي ؟ انتا شايف دا صح ؟ ياخي فكر فيا طيب والله اني قاعدة احاول عشان نفسي و عشان مابغا اخسرك بسببب دا الشي و ايش اللي قاعد يسير فالمقابل؟ i’m just tired fucking tired as hell. I just want the person i love back but that not an option for me unless i wholly cover because otherwise he can’t stand me. I don’t want to give up on you after all this time But Idk what to do anymore.
Just understand that I’m not doing that in purpose to hurt you or make you feel jealous i’m sorry for all of this mess . If ending this will make you feel better then be it . Because I really don’t know if I’m gonna change or not and I really want you to act normal with me without this not because you okay with it but so i can have the same person back.
Don’t feel sad guilty or anything over this because it’s not worth it , you cant stand it just and you cant see the person in front of you because of it so it’s too much for you and i wont ask you to take what you can’t take. I’m sorry about this and im sorry that i didn’t tell you earlier I’m freaking sorry about everything. I’m sorry for myself too because that not the way i would have one day imagined you would act with me I wasn’t sure about anything in this world slim i was just sure about you and yeah I’m not even sure bout it anymore.
Just like you ask me to be myself be yourself too , you can’t take it that i’m not covered and i really can’t take it that your acting like this with me because i’m not covered. So both of us are being ourselves here and we cant take each other no solution for that
Im sorry for everything that i put you thro because of this I really really didn’t know it was this hard for you until you told me. And i keep thinking all the time we tried to work it out after you knew about the covering was it real ? Idk
I’m sorry I’m really sorry ik you don’t want to hurt me but it’s done anyways .
I just want it to tell you whatever was in my chest b4 that day end. You deserve so much better than me someone who you can be yourself with just go in this life and keep ur options open I wouldnt want you to be alone
We all have mistakes you know you won’t have anyone that is perfect so please please don’t let this mistakes overpower your feelings.
Just remember yourself and you will get thro this
Take care with every cell in your system
yours sincerely, Lina