Notes

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funeral program

Often families would receive that fateful call that a relative or friend has passed away. From that moment on, life gets turned upside down. Nothing but questions come to mind and all efforts focus on arrangements that need to be made. Out of town relatives and friends feel they need to drop what they're doing, and find a way to attend the funeral and to be there for the family. Unfortunately, that's not always possible. Sometimes illness, financial constraints, family or work responsibilities prevent the bereaved from attend a funeral.




Dad sacrificed a lot of his own desires for the good of the family business. He gave up flying to be with mom. He gave up a large chunk of his freedom to provide for his family. He underwent chemical testing during the war so he could get more food stamps and furloughs to see mom. Unfortunately he became quite resentful about this over the years to the point at which he expressed regrets and did not like it when I would do my own thing. He died at 68 years old just two years after he sold the business. So from dad, I learned to be clear about my values and make my behaviours in alignment with them. This is a constant struggle for me.

Preschool aged children do not typically understand that death is forever. They may think that the pet is sleeping or has run away or is just at the vet's office and will return. The wording is very important. Many times, parents will say that the pet "has gone away" or "went to sleep and did not wake up". This causes unrest and anxiety in many children. They may develop separation anxieties when they are dropped off at school or at a family member's home. Children may worry that their parent or caregiver might go away and not come back. Children do see death as temporary at this age and therefore may see death as "separation" rather than permanent.

Even with the economy picking up a bit, 2010 was still a rough year for most funeral home owners. If their call volume was good, the margins were still smaller than they wanted and the bottom line suffered.

Memorial gifts. While flowers and donations are the two most common memorial gifts, others include statues in honor of the deceased, jewelry, urns, sundials, birdbaths (for the cemetery or garden) etc. Use your common sense to purchase something appropriate.

I know things will never be the same, yet I have to live my life. The question is, how do I go about it? Pesach Krauss and Morrie Goldfisher write about getting on with life in their book, "Why Me? Coping With Grief, Loss and change." After the death of a loved one Krauss and Goldfisher think we need to shift our focus from a direct relationship with the deceased to identifying with his or her values.

While it is quite convenient to allow a funeral home handle all aspects of your funeral, you will find that the costs can be a little steep. Instead, see if you can get some of the important items from elsewhere at cheaper rates.

This November - and every election day of your life - no matter what your political leaning, remember that countless men and women in every generation have died so that you will have a voice. Honor them by using that voice.

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