Notes

Maya

A small smile was plastered on my face when he mentioned Rick. I should be feeling overwhelmed and going on and on about Rick, like I usually did around my friends, but right now, talking about Rick was not in my list. It was odd how he could read my expressions and tell that I was scared. He was not supposed to know me this well. Wait...depression? "Since when did you start becoming d-depressed?" My frown got deeper and I felt so incredibly bad for him. I almost wanted to hold him like I used to, and tell him that nothing could hurt him as long as I held him against my heart. But I did not own his heart anymore. He did not have mine either. I gulped softly when he said that he had moved on. It hurt more than it should. It hurt knowing that I was not on his mind anymore like he was on mine. "Oh." My mouth formed a small 'o' as I managed a little smile yet again. "I-I am so happy for you. I really am." I told him. Maybe only a part of me was happy for him. I was happy that he did not have to live with demons anymore. But the other part of me, the more selfish part might I add, wanted him to think about us and our memories. But I understood him. I would rather have him happy and carefree for four years than have one person in his mind all the time. It was the most frustrating and heartbreaking feeling. The feeling you felt when you just could not let go. The fact that he remembered Jackson and even the smallest fact as his girlfriend's name made me wonder if he had really moved on. Was he lying to me? "They are fine...I heard that both are living together now." I told him. Both of them turned legal last year and I had yet to visit their home. I had to clear my schedule to figure out when I could visit them. He shrugged off my question all casually and I knew that he was lying, again. I could tell that he was not fine. I knew that he did not trust a stranger, but I was Maya, for Christ's sake! The same person he opened up to about his past those years ago. Of course, I would not force him to speak, but I did not want to hear lies. Not anymore from him. "Then why do I have a feeling that that is not true?" I quietly asked and stared at him, my eyes peering into his and for a moment, I could see through him. Why was he tired of society? What happened? He spoke about my wedding in a chirpy voice and that made me realize that he did not care if I found someone else; he really did move on. I smiled a sad little smile as I stared at the counter top, completely lost in my train of thoughts. Should I tell him that Rick was abusive towards me? No, that would be kept a secret. I honestly felt like that the only reason I wanted to get married was because I was excited to prove myself that I had moved on. Did he seriously remember the time we made oatmeal cookies together? The seemed like such a distant memory. "Rick does not like them...I saw him throw them a-away once he thought I did not notice." I stated. It did hurt that he threw them away after I made them only for him, but I guess people had different taste. My math? I smiled of his chirpy and playful voice. It was a voice I missed. "Very well, actually. I graduated with a theoretical abstract mathematics degree from Imperial, last year." I told him. Would he care? I did not know, really. He made it very clear to me those years ago that he never cared about me. I could not help the giggle falling through my lips at his 'Ellis island' joke. It was so corny, but that was what made it funny. I laughed at all of his weird jokes and it felt so good to laugh properly after all these years. This was the most weirdest moment where I was laughing of some bad jokes made by the same man who completely shattered me. Who did this? A man came up to Harry and asked about me. I really did appreciate how Harry defended me and called me an old friend. It made my heart swell a little. If only he knew about the feelings I had for him. If only he knew how much he meant to me. He apologized for that and I shook my head. "Its okay. But why are your friends so mean to you? You do not have to answer, I-I just think it was rude of him to call you the 'd' word. " I half apologized and asked as the man left. I would understand if it was some inside joke, but Harry did not seem to laughing with him as well. Suddenly, my phone vibrated and the screen showed a text from Rick. *Where the hell are you? Ronnie wants to see you and I can't handle him by myself.* It read. I did not answer now, but I swore that I would be out of the bar in a minute. I just wanted to see how Harry was doing. That was all.