Notes

hey, i know right now things are awkward and its completely messed up but i would want to at least clear things up and hear it directly from you. i know its pathetic that im talking to you through this but it wouldnt be any better if i came to you directly would it? maybe you wanted to tell me directly but u didnt have the chance to, nazmi did the honors for you. i dont know how to start this off but ill start with what ive recently acquired. im not gonna come at you and bombard you with "why didnt you tell me in the first place" because everything really began with my actions and my habits which i have yet to grow from. zavier you were there for me through my thick and thin i thought we were on the best terms we could ever be, you dealt with my immaturity and my childish acts. my socialbility with other people and sometimes you dont like that. im not coming at you with forgiveness or asking for another chance but i just want you to know what ive realized. zavier you were someone that brought out my best and my worst. for me to realize what i can really do and to meet someone that appreciated what others or even myself didnt. but you also made me realize points that i drastically needed to change and grow from. i never seriously treasured your existence when you were there. its like taking advantage of someone and you realize their importance once they've died. i feel like thats the current situation. like when you were there everything felt like it was at the peak of life, having someone to hold and someone to talk about ridiculous things together and just overall be so comfortable. every time we fought, be it as friends or past lovers. you showed the most dedication and effort. that was one of the best attributes about you. you can dedicate to people once people have your heart they're the highest importance to you, and i feel like thats something ive yet to learn. i know i go around talking to people and getting close easily. i wont come at you with the excuse that my words may come out as jokes but i know that even if it was a joke you take things seriously. something i would've wanted to work on would be taking things seriously. being with you, was so carefree and full of jokes and chaos and there was rarely seriousness. i know there are times youve come to me seriously but i might not take it that way. im sure you know that i dont like seriousness neither do i like confrontation but thats no excuse and thats definitely something im working on. guess ive gone a lil off topic here. well, i dont know what to phrase or what to say but its a lil too late to apologize, but id like to say im sorry either way. i admit ive went way too far on my accord. bold enough for me to say but i hope you can do whatever you think is right, be it erasing this as if it never happened and live on with your life. you have so much potential and so much more to do. whatever it is, i wanted to take the opportunity to thank you as well. starting from the first time youve ever been introduced in my life since kindergarten. till last year's interaction and reunion. 2022 was an amazing year thanks to you. the amount of rollercoaster rides, the chaos and the obstacles we faced together. i could've done so much better but i havent realized my mistakes then. its too early to say that ive already grown from it, but ive definitely acknowledged it and will be working on it. zavier you're like the sun to my moon, both of us perhaps would've never existed without each other but we can never shine together. you're like the warmth and serotonin ive missed and yearned for. thank you, for everything. for the company the time we spent to getting along with my friends making them your friends too, the hand holding, the hugs and the comfort. i cannot truly tell you how much i appreciate what we've done and ill treasure it my whole life and you'll always have a special place in my heart and in my life. once again im sorry for everything ive done, you really deserve better and im in the wrong to wreck your life like this, to even make your first time in love to be this bad. i sincerely apologize. i wish you well in your future endeavours. i love you, luna.