Notes

hi
I like serial experiments lain so much I don't know why.
I like the song duvet.
I only like songs and things I can relate to.
I'm obsessed with lain and suicide.
I think about suicide a lot.
I feel tired and weak a lot.
I think about disappearing a lot.
my tops songs are banana pie, duvet, and moment.
I don't have many friends.
I like arguing a lot.
I mostly argue with my brothers and some guys at school.
I think I have a crush on a guy.
i have school tomorrow.
i usually sleep late and wake up early since i wake my mom and brother up.
on weekends i sleep late and wake up late i usually sleep for 12 or more hours on weekends and i usually sleep for 4 or less hours on weekdays when i could home i take a nap and wake up around 8 pm and then I can't sleep for the rest of the night sometimes i sleep in study.
i love shopping, spending money, eating candy, taking care of my curly hair, and playing Roblox da hood.
My life is pretty good but i do have some childhood experiences I can't forget about.
like my older brother tried raping me when I was around 10, I stopped him, and I forgot about it but now I keep remembering it I remember telling him to forget about it and go back to sleep.
i also can't forget about when my older cousin she was around 29 and down syndrome she kissed me when I told him I was going to tell my parents she told me she was going to tell them I kissed her.
once when i was 10 some 13-year-old girl took off my parents and licked my private part. after that I went to her house, and she ignored me and went to her other friends.
I don't feel sad I just feel embarrassed.
I get embarrassed easily.
I have a twin brother.
I like singing.
I get jealous fast.
I get loud and talk fast when I'm excited.
Once I was doing my work in last period and I don't have any friends in that class then for no reason this annoying ass teacher said, "we appreciate "my name" Shes always quiet and she does her work." I looked up from what I was writing, and everyone was looking at me if that's not bad enough some annoying guy said "its cus Shes not the main character" I never wanted to commit suicide more. I waited after class ended went up to him told him Hes not special and walked away. I hate him so much you just don't understand how much I hate him I really do hate him, and he just makes me feel so annoyed and bad because you're the reason I'm a bad person I hate you and I hate your family drown yourself I hope you disappear. I already feel left out why would you say that to me? I really don't understand why you think that was something to say I never done anything to you I give you dirty looks because your so annoying but I don't scream or bother you so why do you seem to have a problem with me I just don't understand it I know I'm not an angle but you don't even know me so you shouldn't treat me like I didn't say anything because I rather not argue in front of a whole classroom but I would had said something if everyone wasn't staring at me I hate my life so much bro why do these things happen I don't understand it I don't even talk unless someone speaks to me I always try to do nice things I don't snitch or scream at people. If someone asks me for help, I always help them if I can so I just don't get why they won't leave me alone I'm so tired already he just makes me so angry I can't control feeling bad for myself after hearing him talk. I get so nervous when people I don't usually talk to ask me something of course I help them, but I make it, so Awkard I don't want to make it Awkard its just I'm surprised. I was sitting in the middle of the guy I like and his ex they both had color pencils I didn't I was supposed to pick me to share with they both put the colors close to me I picked the girl she so kind and pretty Shes kind of of a pick me but she so pretty then she asked me for help and I got nervous she said thank you but I didn't answer her. Its 1 am already i missed school since we had a break, I hope it's good tomorrow.