Notes

Fedruary 10: damn today not a good day i feel unwanted and unliked my life feels like i don't belong in it. but it's always my fault and I just got to go along with it I miss my boyfriend and the way he uses to make me smile, i just miss him. this shit needs to get fixed, I'm so done with crying every night and I don't sleep at night knowing we not on good terms and i feel like it's all my fault i got to fix this one way or another. Well i guess we are making progress he respond to my text lol any lil thing he does make me happy. i got these two songs on replay one is called snooze its by SZA and the other one is kill Bill by SZA as well. and the part that always get to me is "i even got me a therapist to tell me its other man but I don't want none i just want you". But umm i just feel so alone sometimes and every time i think about him leaving I cry ik some people would say stop thinking about but i cant and i feel like I don't have no one to talk to other than him but if we are meant to be imma keep trying and show him that i love him and its no one in this world that can take his spot. I even got me a therapist and i feel like it's working and I'm starting to feel more alive but its just not the same without him, but the thing is we didn't even break up we just need some space but, in my opinion, it's a lil to much space and i been posting quotes to get him attention but it's not working. I been so bored and lonely only way I'm happy and smiling is if I'm around him or I'm at dance but once i leave i got nothing. so now imma just write until me life get back to the way i want it to be. But one thing I know is that it's going to get better and imma have my smile back with him by my side i just need to change my way of thinking and take my own advice. But imma see how my day go today I hope it's going to be a good day with no crying or anything just a day with all smiles. but before i go and close the lab top, I just want to say that a relationship is always not going to be perfect and we still are young but also if you love that person you'll never let them go. And if yall are going through something thug it out until the end. from Tamara.