Notes

A Goodbye Letter From Me


Fuck this social media bullshit. I want to break free from this endless cycle, it’s trying to hold you back from becoming great. I understand why men suicide ratings are so high, because I was about to join the statistics after stopping myself. At a young age I was exposed to technology, I had accessed to everything. EVERYTHING at the palm of my fucking fingertips. I hated everything about me, looking at myself in the mirror crying due to my shitty mindset, my shitty physique, developing man boobs due to having low testosterone because I’ve done easy stuff in life fucking up my body because “it felt good.” No. It doesn’t fucking feel good. It’s my fault that I grew up weak and pathetic. It fucks you up in the long run. I don’t want to live a life where I’m weak, unable to provide, to protect, because what are men for? To build. To make this world better for generations. But whenever I look at social media I see people making comments that they want men dead and it fucking hurts me. Because I wanted myself dead and that I’m a man, they want ME DEAD. But I see the importance of life. The importance of living. To live my life unscripted. I refuse to be a fucking pawn on a chessboard. I need to get away from social media, because it makes me realize just how lonely I am. Once I put my phone away what do I hear? Silence. Who checks up on me? Not many. No one cares about me. No one thinks of me and that’s okay, I know that I’m not valuable. I’m just an average guy. I can change that though. If I had status would y’all still show that same energy? For those that are reading, get the fuck off of TikTok, get off of Instagram, Twitter, that VR bullshit fucking whatever. Look at what it’s doing to you. Don’t be stupid like me seeking instant gratification. It’s NOT WORTH IT. I’ve been comfortable for too long, I need to build myself from the ground up to become a man since I’ve never really had a role model, to be like “yeah I wanna be just like him.” I’m still a boy. But I won’t be for long. Please, wake up and fucking think about how technology is making you feel. Are you fulfilled? Because I’m fucking not. There’s so much to life than this, so I’m going to focus on working out more and making some money. For the past week of just focusing on myself I’ve made $1000. That’s the most I’ve ever made in my entire life, from just solely working hard and it felt good. I realized that as a man, there is no happiness and that we are meant to suffer. But even as we suffer, we build perseverance, character which leads to hope. To have purpose in life. I need to find my purpose or else I’ll be so fucking depressed that I might end up in the men suicide statistics. But I won’t let that happen. Strong men creates good times, weak men creates hard times. Fucking think about that. Whenever it’s my time to leave this world I want to leave this world knowing that I’ve tried to become my best self each and everyday. Better than who I was yesterday. That is my goal. Whenever my mindset is healthy, maybe I’ll come back to social media but as of now I need to stare at a wall and think of my next move. Life is like a game of chess. I’ve never understood the game when I was young, but I understand it now. I want to make the best possible move even when I feel like I’m going to fail. So I’ll be deleting everyone off my friends list, leaving servers. For those that still wants to be genuine friends with me just add me back so I know that you want to be in my life and witness my growth. I want everyone to keep pushing and to be grateful with the things you have in life. Even though the tunnel is dark there is light at the end~