Notes

I really wanna know what I have done for you to hate me so much. I have done more than enough to try to make you proud. I have stayed up late night trying to have the perfect grades for you I have changed so much to try to be the best for. I changed so much, and I have hurt so many people because of your fault because you wanted to me to change because when I was that happy little respectful girl it wasn't enough for you because when I was that girl that was happy and loved everyone its wasn't enough for you. you wanted more and look now imp just like you I'm shit just like you. now I'm cold hearted now I don't care about anyone I don't even care about myself. Now my whole life is about you. Trying to make you proud trying to have all 100 on my report cards trying to be happy and respect and trying every little fucking thing to make you happy. but my thing is haven't I done enough. Haven't I proven to you that I'm trying to change. I have stayed up all fucking night trying to get them prefect grades. I have become cold hearted like you I don't give a fuck about the world just like you. you call me a disappointment and that I'm disrespectful and that I'm cold hearted and don't care about anyone. You're the reason I'm like this though you're the reason I have turned into whatever the fuck I am. I turned into a fucking monster because of you. Your half of the reasons why I want to end my fucking life see I thought your mother was supposed to love you was supposed to care for you to be there for you that she was the one that was gonna turn you into the better you not into a fucking monster. It's not my fault that when you were you younger you used to get beat it's not my fault that you're not happy it's not my fault that you don't know how to be a mom. It's not my fault and I just realized that I used to blame myself thinking it was me that maybe I had to be gone for you to be happy for you to be good but it's not me. Your mad and jealous I don't care if this is me being disrespectful you lost my respect bro. I cared about you I was there for you and now you lost me don't look at me don't say anything to me because like you said that day, I'm not your daughter I stopped being your daughter a long time ago. So now this is me telling you you're not my mother I don't want you to be trust me if I was able to choose to come to the world I would have chosen not to come into this world because it's not worth it it's really not. See you told me to talk to you and trust you and I don't know how you want me to do that when I say one wrong thing and you start yelling at me you look at me like if you hate me, it's okay, I really don't care but you want the truth here is the truth. That boy you talk shit about that boy you don't like Hes the reason I got my smile back Hes the reason why I'm happy Hes the reason why I see a point in life. it's crazy how he can love me and show that he cares about me and you that you're my mother you can't. he shows me that I'm beautiful me don't treat me like shit like you and this family do. he holds me he hugs me he holds hand, or he just sits next to me, and I feel safe I feel like I'm home something I don't feel like that in this house. My whole life I have giving it to you have boss my around you have told me who to cut out my life who I can be friends with who I can't, and I have listened but this time you lost me. I don't care if you like him or not Hes gonna be the boy, I stay with for the rest of my life Hes gonna be the boy I marry and the father to your grandkid's and I just can wait to get out this house because once I leave I'm not coming back or looking back Ima be gone and happy and maybe my kids will meet you I don't know yet.